Karie Bates growin up

Dreams

2011-06-03T15:40:00.001-07:00

Ever wonder why you have a set dream and why its the only thing that you can think about for days? Some people dream of becoming an athlete, a dr, a dancer, a teacher, police men, firefighter or to just travel the world.
When you little you dream about becoming one thing and then every day it changes. When your in school they expect you to know what you want to do with your life already, they expect you to know what college you are going to.
To me a dream is just something we work for and give everything we have into it, but what happens if your dreams crash and burn right infront of you. What if everyting you have ever worked for all of a sudden is gone then what?
Ill tell you what you do set a different dream and goals to reach your dream.
My dreams can change everyday again but you know what i keep setting new ones.
The biggest dream i have right now is to be a great mom to my little baby and a great wife to my husband. Even tho i have no idea how to do either or those perfect or even close everyday brings me new satisfaction and new ideas on how to better myself and make things better.

changes.

2011-05-26T21:15:00.001-07:00

some times in life we have changes that either change us for good or bad, but how do you know what it will do. I thought this was a blessing i thought i was looking forward to this but now all i can do is look back on life a realize how many things i cant do or get to miss out on. Why am i the only one who has to struggle so bad. I am giving up my dreams and everything else i have wanted to do in life thinking it was for the best but now im not so sure whats best.
Why do i push away the people i love? Why do i do things to ruin my life?
Im tired of hurting people and im tired of worrying about the people i have hurt or the dreams that never go away.
Today has been a horrible day stayed home and sat on my ass all day feeling sick and then tonight i hurt my finger while trying to sleep and its making it really hard to type and im just getting frusterated so im done typing.

Marter

2011-04-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

I hate being the one that everyone blames when they can't do something. I am asking one thing from someone and its an easy thing but they can't even do it. They keep telling me that will stop and everything, but then a few days later it comes back. I thought we had everything sorted out last night, but it looks like i only made it worse. Im really good at making everyone else's life worse.

I should just start wearing a sticker on my head in big flashy lights that says "come near me ill ruin your life"

I have been looking back at my life and seeing everything that I have done and no matter what it was it always lead to something bad and someone getting hurt. I hurt so many people that I love and it kills me to wake up everyday and remember what I did. It also doesn't help that i get reminded of it every freakin day. I can't stand this anymore. I want to just curl in a ball and cry, but i cant. I have to stay strong no matter what.

How the hell am i suppose to carry a child and bring it into this horrible life i am going to live.

I love this baby so much and it is the reason why i have been able to make it thru so much already, but im afraid im getting weak and i cant hold it together anymore.

I need a new angel to go from.

off to go see what the world brings me today.

unfair

2011-04-10T13:43:00.000-07:00

Growing up you are always told that life is unfair. Your siblings get to do things you can't yet, and mom and dad tell you that life just isn't fair. So what happens when people go into something together and there are sacrafices that have to be made and one person can't do what is asked. Just another way to show you that life isn't fair and never will be.

Nine months i get to suffer in pain and sickness while i watch everyone else around me doing what ever the hell they damn well please. It makes it so hard for me to go thru this alone and physical im not alone but emotionally i am. Wish i had more support from people and it doesn't look like that is going to happen anytime soon.

life has been unfair and will continue to be unfair no matter what is said or done.

power of rain

2011-04-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

Last night we got a bunch of rain, actually so much that today we had to stay inside because we would have gotten stuck in the mud. It kind of sucked ass having to stay inside all day and not being able to do anything.

we also got 2 roosters yesterday so midnight has been chasing them, so now we have to keep her inside until we can build a coop for the roosters and then we will be getting more chickens.

sure is like living back at my parents house, listening to the sound of them early in the morning. ugh.....

overall today has been very boring and emotional, thanks to being pregnant.

american express

2011-04-08T16:36:00.001-07:00

Did you know that the presidents pay is $230,700, plus as additional $50,000 for expenses on things he wants to buy might i add that its non taxable. Plus he and his family get medical, dental, travel and all others taken care of. After retirement the president will then earn $191,300 per year, plus a pension, money for staff, mail and other things he has bought. Plus a secret service for him and his family for life.

Now if your a staff srgt for army you make maybe around $25,000 or so. You get medical for you and your family (maybe) but you have to pay so much. For retirement it use to be that if you worked 20 years or more you would receive 50% of base pay right upon retirement, but now that has changed and they have made it more complicated. You don't get body guards for you or your family. Now this is if you didn't get injured or discharged. This is only based on "normal" cases.

Can you see that the government is taking the bravest men and women who risk being with there families and watching there own kids be born and heading off to a new land. They know only what was taught to them and nothing else about this land. They don't know who to trust and who not to trust. They never know when they are going to wake up and if they are going to die that day. Its not just one person doing this, its thousands everyday getting up and risking their lives the lives of their families and friends so that we in the UNITED STATES OF AMAERICA can be safe.

If you don't believe in God that it your choice, but if you believe in a being out there who watches over your fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, so on and so forth then we need to all stand together like this nation use to be. ONE NATION UNDER GOD. and stand up for that we believe for and for that is best for us AMAERICANS and what is best for our FAMILIES.

MAY GOD WATCH OVER THOSE WHO ARE NOT WITH US TODAY, AND WITH THE FAMILIES THAT HAVE LOST A LOVED ONE OVER SEAS OR THOSE WHO ARE MISSING THEIR LOVED ONES NOW. KEEP THEM SAFE AND THERE FAMILIES SAFE. AND OPEN THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF THE CONGRESS MEN AND OVER OUR PRESIDENT SO THAT WE MAY STAY ONE NATION UNDER GOD.

horrible night

2011-04-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

ever had a dream that scared you so bad you woke up in tears and swet? That was me last night. scared of what my dream was. scared to see if it was actually true or not and just the not knowing factor. When i woke up it seemed so real to me that it made me scared more, and it still feels so real that its hard to get out of my head. i have never been so hurt in a dream before and it crushed me.

I at least know its not real so i can get a little peace from that but the thoughts of what happend will haunt me all day.

i love josh so much and the thought of him leaving me hurts

just random thoughts throughout today

2011-04-06T14:45:00.000-07:00

so the weather has been a blast today and i have enjoyed being able to be out there and read today without having all this swet drop down my back. My puppy has really enjoyed it as well since she got to be out there with her mom and play all day.

Finally unpacked and did some organizing again today and hopefully this is the last time i move till after the baby is born.

I wrote a letter to dereks sisters last night and explained to them the best i could about everything and so far it went well. i emailed one to his mom too so im not sure what kind of reaction i am going to get from her or if i will end up getting one at all.

this is josh's first day home with me and you know what he does he plays with wayne the hole freakin time and leaves me to babysit his little sister so that him and wayne can go out to the store. And what does he do. he buys another pack of cigaretts. Im sorry but when he complains to me that we dont have enough money to get buy. (which we couldn't even pay bills this month) but he is allowed to spend all this money on soda and cigaretts when ever the gosh he freakin pleases. I love him so much but something i feel like he thinks with his ass and not his head.

on a good note ill lhopefully get to have all my medical ceverage set up soon so that i can find an obgyn.

today has been a horrible yet some what good day. well see how it turns out

Cravings

2011-04-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

Your body knows more then your mind. When it rumbles you know that means your hungry or you are going to have major gas, but most the time its hunger. Well today mine has been telling me i am hungry but everything i would look at didnt sound good at all. I wanted a sweet cold taste. And i ended up eating rice with ramen seasoning and a pb and j sandwich with grapes. All tho my stomach is saying im full my mind keeps thinking about all these great foods i want to eat, yet we dont have them or they are being used for dinner tonight. Speaking of which is going to be roast with potatoes my favorite kind of potatoes. i am so excited, to bad dinner can't come soon enough... GRRR.

I went outside and read a book in the sun and it was awsome. Then did some dishes so hopefully i can start doing more things thru out the day and get more done around the house. That way i will feel better about myself and about the house im in...

loving today

HORRIBLE

2011-04-03T17:09:00.000-07:00

I am officially the worst daughter ever. I never thought I could be so horrible as to push my own mother away from her own family, not just me but everyone. Well I did it. How come I am the one who feels the worst in the end? I can't even explain the pain I feel right now. All I want to do is lie in bed and never get out of it. Never eat never drink never do anything. Why should I do anything fun when im the one who pushes people away. All i wanted was for my mom to be there when i needed her most, but why in Gods name would i think she would do that after all the hell i have put her thru for so many years. She deserves every right to be mad at me and to push away from me, but not the rest of the family. They need her and they haven't done anything to push her away. Why punish them for my mistakes??

Sometimes we go through out life thinking that everything will fall into place, feeling like we belong someplace, like we will one day achieve all of our dreams. But how many times have you sad down in front of the mirror and thought to yourself wow i wish i could have done this different, I wish i would have made something more of myself. Welcome to my life. I had places I wanted to go, i had dreams and all of them crumbled right from under me in high school and they continue to get worse. I cant even keep the people i love close to me before i push them away if i mean to or not. Everything and everyone i have ever loved in my life either die or move away from me. I am sick of losing people. Im sick of finding the good people in life and then BAM there gone too.

So many thoughts are running thru my mind at this moment. I have a birthday party i got invited to tonight for a girl turning 1 but i cant even get myself to want to get ready to go. i love this kids so much but the thought of getting so close to them and then having them slip slowly away hurts. What if i have been horrible to them too. Have I done something i cant remember and its causing everyone around me to hate me. To think im this horrible person or is it just me. Am i the one making all this up??? Am i the one who thinks i pushed my mom away?? Do i create all these lies about my life so that everyone else can feel sorry for me?? NO i don't this is all true, it was gladly confirmed to me that im the one who pushed the mom away.

I watch my dog laying next to me sleeping and as she is dreaming i think about her dreams, i think about all the happy places she could be dreaming about and wonder where are mine?

I know its been a hard day and it makes it even harder that i dont have a family to run to, a mom to cry on, someone who can give me advice when i have no idea what in the hell i am doing or even going thru. No i have the internet to find out all my problems to find all my solutions, to find what ever i can find to help me in what ever i need.

Im sorry for all the people i have pushed away in my life, i thought i was better then that but i guess it just keeps coming and i keep pushing. Looks like i have my life planned out for me for the next while. Time to start my bed rest....

Crazy Dreams

2011-04-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

Last night was horrible, thought I would have this amazing sleep and have a great night but no. I woke up so many different times with horrible dreams. Josh woke me up ones and i started hitting him thinking he was someone else. I felt horrible for hitting him but i had no idea it was him. Then he woke me up again but this time by touching my feet and i woke up trying to swing at him again. Wow guess not to mess with me when im not having a good night. Any ways after a while i was able to go back to sleep and all was well until i wake up this morning and see all these facebook comments that are funny but were taken to serious and it just got weird but is all better now. I went to get a glass of juice this morning and it took me about an hour to finish one cup and it drove me crazy. It was strawberry banana so no more drinking that.

I had a dream about the kids i use to nanny for and i miss them like crazy. hopefully tonight ill be able to see them and give them lots of hugs and tell them i miss them. Its kimbers 1 yr birthday party today so hoping i can convince josh to take me to it.

Anyways thats about all for now. love you bye

Starting Over

2011-04-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

I guess its officially time i start over. I have had so much happen over the past few months it seems like more then half of it was a dream. And it probably does, but thats one of the many joys i "get to face" in my life is not knowing whats really out there and whats really going on. I have hurt so many people and i just want to explain to them what really happend and hope that they would understand, but i don't think they will. There are so many people i have hurt even tho i was told i wasn't going to be held accountable for them because of the circumstance i was in, but when hell broke lose again i was faced with the same old shit. I thought i had everything going for me. A great fiance, a great family you loved and supported me no matter what, a great job, everything seemed great at the time. But ones shit hit the fan i found out who really stayed in my life and who just told me i am pretty much hell for them the last so many years. It hurts when you need the people you love around you and they can't handle being around you. What am i suppose to do. yes i have made mistakes but so has everyone. Then why am i the one who gets treated like i have a massive illness that will kill the whole planet off. I can't even share in my joy with anyone, because its not the joy most people like to hear. So im pregnant and not married, but why must i get treated like hell. I needed my family there for me and you know what i got a big slap in the face. I know im not a perfect child and never have been, I know i have treated my parents like shit before and that we have gone thru really hard times together but when i need them most i lose them. How come so many others go thru worse then what i have done and they get more accepted then i do. I had people tell me that i need to get rid of this child, well you know what when it came down to it i know i will always have this baby who loves me and i will do everything in my power to raise this child and give it the best of everything even if no one else is behind me. So many times thru out the day i want to be so happy and tell the whole world, but i can't because im a horrible person and no Mormon wants there child around an unmarried pregnant lady. I feel so alone and its sad when you feel more at home being with a group of strangers that you never met then in your own house. Although one of those strangers i met has now become one of my greatest friends even tho he is 23 years older then me. I just want to break down and cry and i have no one to cry on or cry with......... if it wasn't for this baby i would't want anything to do with anyone. So many times the thought comes to my mind to just run as far away as i can and never look back, but i couldn't do that because i love my family to much even if i get hurt by them several times. guess its going to be another lonely night...........

Gods way

2010-11-28T21:47:00.000-08:00

sometimes in life god shows a way and we plan that way but then god has another plan we didnt know about. Found out last week I was 4 months pregnant with a baby girl. I was scared and ones the shock was over I was so excited and i was telling everyone i could think of. We had a name picked out Madaline Nicole Johnstun. We had clothes for her, photos of her. And feeling her move and dance inside of me was a miracle. Then today i was feeling very weird and felt like i should go get checked out and i found out we lost our baby girl. It has been so hard and i haven't felt like doing anything but crawling out of my skin and run and hide under a rock and wish no one was around. All I want to do it be alone and have everyone dissapear.

i miss him

2010-11-21T08:34:00.001-08:00

Dear blog,
I miss him so much i miss his arms around me, i miss his touch, I miss his smile, his laugh, his crazyness. I just want him here with me. I love him so much. Bring him home soon.

Blessings

2010-11-19T06:11:00.001-08:00

Sometimes you get a wake up call and its really puts you in place. But I never thought a wake up call would turn into a blessing. I am so blessed right now. THANK YOU

stars

2010-11-13T21:35:00.000-08:00

I look up at the stars and all i can think about is you. The night we sat and talked under the stars and just enjoyed bein together. Now when i look at them all i want to do is be with you and talk to you like there is no tomorrow.
Swinging on a swing set the other day heled put me in a happier place and i was able to just relaxe and let go. Im not sure as to why that is but there is something about the wind hitting my face that just relaxes me and allows me to be at peace with myself. No matter that has happened that day if i get on a swing i know for at least 30 min i can stop thinking and just be one with nature.
I have loved spending more time outside wish i would have done more, but now that its getting cooler i am going to be having a lot of fun outside with my pups and hopefully that can put me in a better mood.

Life experiences

2010-11-11T10:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we go thru out life without realizing who we are passing and if what we do will affect who we pass and who we have become friends with and let go. we don't know the power we have and how much that power affects us and everyone around us. Say you mess up ones and it stays with you forever regardless of what it was. Have you ever noticed that when you do something good people seem to not notice it as much as when you do something wrong or different. Its amazing the type of people we become because of the influences we have had in our life. Don't get me wrong I don't think that we become who we are all because of the people around us, im just saying that they have a big part in our life. So before you go and say something that can be hurtful to your best friend you may want to rethink everything and not waist a friendship you have had for so long.

In the end

2010-11-09T20:04:00.000-08:00

In the end it will always come down to what you did last. regardless of your mistakes before you will always live with them and the only way to make a difference is what you do in the future. good night world

Forgive

2010-11-09T06:26:00.000-08:00

Have you ever spent your life wondering why you do the things you do? Well I sure have the last few days. I have been faced with a lot of heavy drama and I started to wonder why I dealt with it the way i did. If I could go back and change it would I? I know people say that going back in the past and changing things wouldn't be good, but i could have saved a lot of friendships and not hurt so many people.
I looked up to someone so much in my life. I went to her everytime something was wrong and she was always there for me, but when she needed me where was I?? Why did I let this become way out of hand. What was I suppose to do. I thought I had it all figured out and that i was helping them out but what was I suppose to do. I knew the way it felt i knew the pain. I didnt want someone else to go thru the pain I went thru. What was I suppose to do ignore it? Come to find out it was all a lie. My heart has been broken so many times and then ones again someone picks it up and smashes it to pieces. Guess i deserve it for what i did.
Don't you get it i was only trying to help. All i know to say is im sorry the way things turned out and I wish you would have come to me sooner.

new life :)

2010-10-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

so many great things have been happening to me. I got a job working at CUTCO (selling knives) and im going to school for Jackson Hewitt Taz Services. I am so excited because its been amazing being so busy and i love what i do. I love my school and I love my job.
The other day I was at work and was walking down the stairs to go to my car and fell down the stairs and ended up hurting my ankle and back and went to the hospital that night and had to be put on crutches and so now im out of work for this week and am looking for something to do to keep getting money coming in so i might end up going back to work sooner then i shoud so i can get more money coming in. I got my first check in the mail today and it was the best feeling in the world. I know it wasnt the best check to be getting, but for 2 days it was amazing and since it was my first Real job it felt great. My next check will be here on Wed. so i will have more money. Im trying to be really careful with my money and recently found a bike that I really want. The payments are kind of out there but its something that i could really get into if i had the money and saved up the money for the bike. Asking my babe to see if its a good deal or what.
Beside my great job and school I have had the most amazing time being with Shauna. we have clicked on so many levels and its amazing to have someone who is just like me and gets me more then anyone else. Its funny because when were apart from eachother for to long we end up missing each other so much and its funny. No one has even been such a great friend and amazing person and she is for me. I have loved living out in QC and it has been a great deal for me and helped me grow so much. I couldn't be luckier then i am now to have a great place to live, great family, great "family", and a great school and job. I love everything that my life has given me and i can't believe how amazing everything has been coming together. LIFE IS GREAT

sunshine

2010-09-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

Have you ever just gone outside and ran. I went out this morning to clear my head and i didnt realize how much i miss everyday as i drive home. I looked at all the trees, bushes, plants, and flowers. i watched little kids playing in their yard. It just made me realise the little moments in life and the short amount of time we have to experience it all.
Never in my life have i actually been able to order ice cream from an ice cream man that drives by your house. We have always lived in such a small neighborhood that we never got that pleasure. It took me 18 years before i was finally able to experience one of the simple pleassures of life. Most people get excited about the ice cream man when they are young but when you never get to experience that joy it sure makes things open up when you go. its the small things in life that you remember, like the firt kid you ever met and became best friends with. or the teacher who gave you smilie face stickers in kindergarden and then later became your jr high math teacher and still remembers you being young and all the little things you did. Or the people who stood by you and held you as you cried your eyes out in drama class. or the little moments in dance class doing funny stupid things. Or the reason why you became best friends with a teacher and why everything happend.
its the moments when you come home and your puppy is so excited to see you and gives you kisses and just wants you to hold him. Or when your sick and your puppy just wants to lay in your lap and just be held because he knows you love him and you will never betray him.
Its the smile from the lady across the street as you pass just saying hello..
you never realize how much the small things matter until you dont have them anymore. You never understand the pain that happens when you lose those small things..
I see shows on tv about dancing and all i want to do is get out there and dance but i cant because i have a back who says otherwise. All i want to do is go out their and dance again and show the world what i can do. Choreography runs thru my head every day and all i want to do is show the world what goes on in my head but i cant. I cant do a lot of things but i realized that we live life thru the small things and they become the sunshine for everyone.

AWAKE

2010-09-28T17:49:00.000-07:00

got an awaking thing that happened to me this week. Ever wondered were your life went? Like how you got to the place you are now. I think about it a lot and i wonder what will happen in the next 10 years for me. Will i be a proud mother and have an amazin husband who loves and works for his family? Will i be single and still trying to find Mr. Right? Or will i not even care what im doing with my life? All these things go thru my mind day in and day out but one thing i realised is that i can be the one to change all that. yes i cant pick out how my life will turn out but i can point it in the right direction and keep working at what i want. I been looking back on everything i wanted to be as i grew up and only one thing has stuck with me. yet now when i imagine myself doing it i can't but i cant get it off my mind. I want to work for it so bad. I want it to be the one thing i accomplish in life. but will it be the one i am ment for? Even if i cant actually do the job i want, i still want to go thru the training. Who knows maybe ill be able to overcome whats stopping me from doing what i love and i will actually be able to do my job. or maybe it will just be a learning experience. Guess i will never know until i try..
So world im out to find new ways to try

life unexpected

2010-09-20T11:04:00.000-07:00

wow its amazing how life can take us in so many places at ones. i was talking to some friends earlier today and we were just remembering the good old days and how everything use to be so easy back then and now its so crzy. even just from high school how many people change and how our lives become so different. never did i expect to be living out of my parents house at 18. yah i wished i could for many years but i never thought it would happen and it has.
its been almost a year since my car accident and a lo has happened in that year. I stopped dating the same guy i had dated for 3 years and fell in love with another guy and are waiting to get married.. i have lost and gained a lot of friends. I have been thru the hard and the good times. i have watched myself grow and others around me as well. i have learned so many lessons. I didn't get to perform in my senio year dance concert. the one i have dreamed about for 6years. I didn't get to perform my choreography on stage. i broke my back. I found so many amazing people who love me and have gained a greater love for my family and friends.
Life has its turns and hardships but its always worth it ones you look back

AMRY

2010-09-18T23:29:00.000-07:00

I am a military girlfriend. i have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away. People may say im insain for making such a commitment with no quarantees, but i hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me. i know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

At times i wonder if it is all worth it but then that one message or phone call makes it all worth it. I couldn't be happier. There are times i lay awake at night not knowing what will happen in a few hours, where he is or what he is doing but i know it is all worth all the wait. All the tears i have shed i know they are only because i miss him like crazy. Tomorrow i will meet many others who are going thru the same thing as i am and it will be nice to have a good support team. so far it has been really nice to have others there especially family.
love always
me

Fly away from the Nest

2010-08-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

So I have been out of my parents house for over two months now and it has been amazing. There are times when things get rough and you just have to pick yourself up and move on but overall i am loving it.
I love spending all my free tim with my roommate Shauna.... she is the best thing that has happened to me and she is a great support to me and all my heart ache.. The last few weeks have been hard off and on and she as there for me and it was so great to have her here even if she was just there to listen to me groan and complain or if she was making me laugh and we were just having a good old time.. It has been so nice to be with her and to just have someone else to turn to and be friends with..
The whole Johnstun family have been a blessing to me. They have been a great support for me and have just helped me in any way that they can and are always willing to go the extra mile to help me out or make me feel welcome... It has been greatto be friends with them and to feel as part of the family with them... I love them all so much..
Today was a big rush of growing up for me. I went and checked out a school I like and i am really interested in going to and had to finish picking up all my stuff at my parents house as they are now renting it out with another family. so i officially have no more stuff at my parents house.. it was such a weird feeling and so now all of it is just sitting in my car till i can find some place to put it and have everything cleared out. With a new family moving into the house it is going to be crazy to find out everything and where to put it so i guess we will find out what happens. I am excited to have them move in. It will be fun to have a kid around and have someone to play video games with.. Hope he and the oher boys get along...
Things are going great and i love it... I love being on my own and having my own place to go to every night... Love it so much...

Prayer for A Soldier

2010-08-25T13:07:00.000-07:00

Lord I bow my head and fold my arms in this time of need, give me strength an understanding in these hard times I pray
As my country call him to duty everyday
As I may never know
When my soldier will pack up and go
Keep him safe I pray and his head held high
In your loving arms keep my soldier safe and warm
In a foreign land or here at home
Bless him with the strength to overcome
So that they may be asone
And lastly Lord I pray for th patience I need when the days seem long
Please comfort me so for my soldier i will be strong..
Amen
Karie bates

tears

2010-08-12T13:36:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had a day that no matter what happened you just wanted to cry.. Today has been a very hard day for me and i dont even understand exactly why..
I went to go pick up ko from school and i was fine then but then when i got back home i just started to cry.. Then derek called me and i couldnt hold it in i started to cry and i tried to hide it from him... were told to not distract our soldiers and i dont want to do that to him... I want him to be 100% focused...
i just hate this feeling right now... just the tears keep coming and i cant stop them.. why does this happen??
i love my babe more then anything and i dont want him to worry at all

who knew

2010-08-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

Okay so this past week has been one adventure after the other. I have been working on filling out court papers for small claims and thats been one pain in the butt afer the other. I hate when people promise one thing but then change their flippin mind last minute and your stuck with a butt load of crap. Yah I did all the hard work for a lady and did everything she asked me to do and it was all done right but then come to find out she doesnt want to pay me the money that she owes me so lucky me gets to take her butt to court so i can get my money that she owes me. Yah one adventure after the other right...
Derek has officially been gone for over a month now.. That only means 11 more to go.. Hopefully but you never know the army so we will see.. He seems to be doing great and loving it over there. He says his days are long and boring sometimes but then other times he likes what they do. Everytime i talk to him he has some crazy story to tell me so i guess ill see what happens.. He is always laughing and being a good sport about it. How could you not when your out serving your country and loving it. He told me one night that he was saying his prayers and when he was done he looked up and his srgt and a few other guys were looking at him.. His comment was "what have they never seen a man pray before" It was to cute. i had to laugh at it and then tell him what a great job he is doing by setting an example to them over there.. Who knows maybe thats all they need is for Derek to show them the way.. He is a great guy and is very supportive to his brothers that are with him.
I have ben watching derek and the way he communicates with his mom and I think it is the sweetest thing that i have seen. When he was at home and we would leave to go back home or some place he would kiss his mom on the cheeck and tell her he loves her. It was nice to see him so nice to his mom. When his dad went in for surgery a few days ago Derek called and talked to him to see how he was doing.
I have noticed i miss him a lot more then normal latly. I had kc come sleep over at the house this weekened and one night i went to bed before her and i guess when she came in i was holding a pillow and just cuddling it.. Guess i need to find something else to sleep with for a while.. I have also noticed that i cry a lot more now that he is gone.. Shauna and i were watching army wives one night and we were both just having a horrible night and we ended up just crying for 4 hours.. it was crazy but we were already in a histarical mood before we started watching it and then everything seemed to be so sad. We cried over a dog a lot and it was just so sad and pathetic but we had each other to be there..
Being with shauna has been one of the greatest blessings i have been givin. She and i have been thru a lot and we both seem to understand each other. We get a long so well.. The other day we went and saw a natrapath dr and we were both diagnosed with the similair problome so we are both being a support group for each other. We went up to Payson to see the dr so we went up early and went and saw grandma and grandpa rogers and spent a good few hours with them. Grandma came to the appointment with us and Shauna went first and then i went and my body and liver and kidneys were worse then shaunas and it scared the dr and then it terrified me and ones we got in the car i became a nervouse reck and started to just cry. I tried to hold it in but i couldnt any longer and it just all came out.. When we got back to the rogers cabin grandpa gave me a blessing and it was nice to know that he was there.. He told me he loved me and that just by being around them i was already considered family.. It was so sweet to have that feeling.. We went out to dinner afterwords and i got sick from eating so i ended up just being in pain the whole way home.. and ontop of that was just scared to death.. Derek called me that night and i ended up talking to him and just trying not to cry all i wanted was for him to be there with me and help me and hold me.. but he cant and wont be able to for a while. Shanua and I are both doing a diet to eat healthier.. which means no gluten.. no dairy... no seeds... So it is going to be hard but we can do it... As long as we have each other we will be good...
As far as everything goes i feel like im losing it everyday and so instead of just trying to do everything at ones i am dong it one day at a time.. I have noticed that works for me very well... still looking for a job and trying toe able to afford everything but it just seem to be a pain in the butt one ride after the other... welcome to live i guess....

lifes as a rollercoaster

2010-07-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

Okay so this past week has been one adventure after the other.. Sunday i was suppose to help out my brother at his ward but as i was getting ready to head out i suddenly couldnt move and everything just hurt.. I mean i fell to the floor in pain and it was horrible. Well i took some ambian and had to go potty so instead of laying in bed like i usually do i went to go potty. well when i went to go get up i fell in the bathtub.. it was so messed up i brused up my elbow really bad. it totally was horrible.. well i went and took a nap and felt better so i went to my parents house and had dinner with them. It was so nice.
Monday was a little harder then i thought. Got up and was having a hard time just wanting to do anything. Infact i didnt want to be up at all. I decited to go back to sleep and just see if i could makeup for the lack of sleep i had the night before.. i went to bed at 530 and was up at 930.. horrible... got my nap and spent the rest of the day relaxing and in bed. I know i should have gotten up but things just werent going good at all. I decited to go over to Janet and dons house and drop off some papers well Janet and I got to talking and I didn't mean to make her worry but i guess i do anyways.. She said she was worried about her girls and it made her cry.. i love her so much and think the world of her and she has been such a great support to me.. After my visit with them i went and had FHE at grandparents morrison.. We had dinner first and well i started to eat but ended up in pain because of this STUID crohns or what ever it is thats bothering me.. So i went home and spend time with Shauna.. (new roomate)
Tuesday i got a call from Derek in the morning and it totally threw me off guard but it wa so nice to hear his voice till he said goodbye.. I sat in my closet and cried for a few minutes.. it has been so hard to have him gone.. I am so proud of him but sometimes all i want is for him to be home so i don't have to worry about him all the time.. Its horrible.. i don't know what I am going to do when he can't call me anymore.. It will be so hard. Especially if i don't get to hear from him in a few weeks or month.. It will be hard but it will also strengthen us.. His srgt wife called me a few weeks ago and we got to talking about how hard it has been to have them gone and it was so nice to relate to someone who is going thru the samething as i.. That afternoon i went down to CGCC and applied to start school in the winter... it will be really nice.. Then i went with Shauna and janet and don to go see gradma and grandpa Johnstun.. and their new house. It is really bright green.. i mean really bright green.. but were going to pain it... yah.. and when shauna and i got home we had some really good fun and some great laughs.. it was awsome.. loved it..
Wednesday i went over and helped manda and the boys... it was so much fun.. i can't believe how much i love those kids.. can't wait to see what will happen when i get to be with my kids..

can i just say how i am sick and tired of everyone asking me how i am doing... ugh come on really... yah i know i might have my days but if your going to text me every time and always ask me how im feeling?? like im some sick crazy person yah that just annoys the crap out of me so everyone stop... if im not having a good day ill let you know... i dont need everyone asking me all the freakin time... i mean yes derek is gone yes im not as healthy as everyone else but im also not some kind of pet you can control..... ugh this is so retarted.... please everyone just stopp.. i love you all very much but if you keep asking me im going to break you...

ending my night of crap with good

2010-07-26T04:58:00.000-07:00

In my earlier post i talkied about my sleepless nigt today.. well it is 5am and i have done the whole night without any sleep.. without the slightest thought of sleep.. just the thoughts of crazy things running thru my head.. i wanted to calm down for a while so i watched some episodes of a new show that i fell in love with.. this show relates to me so much.. the pain the hurt the laughter the moments of true me.. well tonight the way i wanted to say goodnight to the world ws to let them know i love you all very much.. i know i can be a real butt head sometimes and especially when i am going thru a hard time like now but thats when i need my family and friends the most.. i know the days when i dont want to get up are the days that i really need to get up and be there for someone else or at least. Someone ones told me that I was one of their main reasons why they got up in the morning. No matter how horrible the day before was or how horrible that day would be she knew that i would be there to help her out.. Well to all my family and friends you guys are the reaons i get up. I want to be with you all for a very long time and i love you all to much to just disapear into the dark.. Yes i will still have days when all i want to do is sit in sweatshirts and long baggy pants and eat ice cream and watch sad movies and cry but those are the times when i need a friend to be there with me to help me whipe my tears..
I know derek cant be here for me now but i know where ever he is no matter what he is doing that he loves me and that our love is strong and we can make it thru this hard time no matter how hard it will get.
those days when i hardly hear from derek or dont hear from him at all is really hard but then when i hear his voice it just makes it as if he never left..
i love you babe

middle of the night thoughts

2010-07-26T02:32:00.000-07:00

I have never been the type of person that stays up all night just for fun.. Sleep overs with friends i was always the first one out and the first one up in the morning.. I am a better morning person then i am a night person, but latly all i want to do is sleep all day and night..
I constantly worry about Derek and his safty. So many people have told me that he will be just fine and i believe them but that still cant over power the feeling i have of him not being here. We have grown so close together and we have known so much about each other. I feel safe when he is with me (and he doesn't even have to carry his gun) but now that he is gone i feel so alone so out of place. I watch friends do things that are fun and i want to do it to but just with derek..
It has taken me a few days before i actually started to want to see friends from high school again.. First time I had a friend come spend the night over at my new place it was fun but as the days grew of derek being gone so did my personality... I never wanted to do anything anymore.. I got tired of being around people and my best friend i couldnt stand. I was having dinner with family and all of a sudden one little smart a** comment was made to me and i started to cry. I knew i was loosing it.
When i met derek i never thought i would be so in love with him.. I thought he looks really good and i would love to get to know him more.. that more i knew about him or the more time we spent together the more i wanted to date him... the night he told me he loved me was the night i knew forsure i was his forever..
it has always been my dream to be in the army but never would i think that i wouldnt be able to go to the army instead my soon to be fiance is.. I have never thought of the army life from a different point of view.. i always wanted to be the girl that was leaving for war not waiting to see if my man will make it home safely and when will i be able to see him.. Or when will he have to go again.. I constantly think about these things now..
Since derek has left i have found myself sleeping less and less. even with the help that the dr gave me i still can't seem to sleep well... thruout the day i have been better by doing things with friend or calling my parents to chat or doing something productive but at night when everyone is asleep including my puppies it leaves me to think... i try to read a happy book before i go to bed but then when i start to get a dream i wake up frantic and crazy and to scared to fall asleep again or to scared to be awake and think..
With my great friends who stick by me when im having a hard day sometimes its just not enough.. i need someone who understands what im going thru.. i need someone i can relate to.. Then again colee has been a great help and just letting me talk on and on about everything to her... i haven't cried much since the day derek left and when i finally can and the tears start to come someone needs me to do something so of course i say yes and then grin and bear it so that someoneelse can have a happy day..
Sometimes i wonder if i want to get up and see what the world has to offer me today.. Im afraid of what i will hear and what will be said.. im afraid of what i will do.. will i snap in someones face today.. will i flip someone off because there driving to slow.. will i hurt a close friend.. Sometimes its just not worth it,,,, until i see my hand and see that ring that derek baught for me right before he left and promised me he would come home to me... then it just brings memories back of when he was here and just being in his arms and feeling him hold me and him kissing me softly and just telling me he loves me...
I get a phone call almost everynight from him telling me he loves me and misses me.. his voice is the best thing i hear all day...
thats it for midnight thoughts

army man

2010-07-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

As you know derek left to go serve our country a few week ago.. actually 2 weeks as of today... I am so proud of him for being so brave and for being a great soldier... He is a great example to his soldier brothers and he is always careful... when i said goodbye to him i kew it would be hard to wach him leave but the longer its getting the harder it is to deal with it... I know the lord will protect him and that he wil be safe yet there is just a part of my that wants to break down and cry yet at the same time be strong for him so that he will focus on his work instead of worrying about me.. I love derek with all my heart and i cant wait to have him mine forever i want him to know he is the best thing that has happend to me.. derek and his family have all bee there for m threw everything in the past months and they are amazing people..
having my boyfriend in the army and out fighting for his country is not easy at all but it is all worth it.. FREEDOM WORKS

Catching up...

2010-07-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

Wow a lot has happened to me in the last 4 weeks.
1 I moved out of my parents home and out to Queen creek to live with shauna and to be able to help out with manda and the kids before she has her baby..
2 derek was able to come home for 2 weeks so we spent a lot of time together and being in each others arms.. we went to the mall to buy me a new pair of pants since i broke one of mine.. well at the mall we walk into a jewlery store and he buys me a ring.. a promise ring that i will wait for him till he comes back and then we will be married... When we went to tell his parents we showed mom (janet) the ring and she go so excited but then told her that wasnt all and i told her i was pregnant and she stopped breathing.. it was so funny now but at the time i felt bad for doing it.. onces we told her it was a joke she kept saying how wondrful i was for us to be together and she started to cry.. it was so amazing the feeling that was there.. When we told my parents my dad cried a lot and my mom just got teary eyed.. We told as many people as we could because we were so excited about it..
3. Derek had to leave after the 2 weeks and it was one of the harderst things i had to do was to say bye t him and watch him leave.. cried more then mom did and felt bad cause i kept making her cry..
4. Same day as derek left i had to go in for a colonoscopy... fun stuff... well it took me a colonoscopy a hopspital trip and a lot of pain before i was givin the diagnose that i have ulcerative colitis.... (can u say fun summer)
5. i said a farwell to chris maughan as he left for his mission.. great guy and example to many people.. thanks for being an awsome friend chris...
6. atteneded my sister inlaws baby shower up in Utah.. first nephew in the family and were so excited... yah go hillary and sam... babys name is Isaac...
this has been pretty much the last month in my life..

RAIN

2010-04-18T16:24:00.000-07:00

How heavy fell the rain that dayFrom burdened clouds of mournful grey.

The torrent forced them stay their height -

Composure swayed by onerous might.

My skin wrung wet with icy chillAs mud embraced that sodden hill

.But mind of mine had elsewhere gone -'

Twas clouds abandoned I was on.The driving drops advanced their gearsTo camouflage my sneaking tears -

Whence now did swell such floods of pain To see me melt into this rain…

On equal bearing now were we:

This rain; myself, in harmony.

MATT ( in army)

2010-04-18T16:19:00.000-07:00

Soldier going to the war--Will you take my heart with you,

So that I may share a littleIn the famous things you do?

Soldier going to the war--If in battle you must fall,Will you, among all the faces,See my face the last of all?

Soldier coming from the war--Who shall bind your sunburnt browWith the laurel of the hero,Soldier,

soldier--vow for vow!

Soldier coming from the war--When the street is one wide sea,Flags and streaming eyes and glory-

-Soldier, will you look for me?

Richard Le Gallienne

thoughts over the week

2010-04-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

Just a few thoughts i have had this week.
this week has been filled with so many things that its hard to keep track of what happened and what was just thoughts but ill do my best.
Last nights I went to prom with a guy named Paul Farebanks who is in my seminary class at Mesa High. (A hour) I was helping out my mom with watching some kids so she could have a big scouting party at our house for the adults. With that going on i was late for the dance by an hour and a half but as soon as i got there my date found me and it was such a blast. I taught him how to dance and we had so much fun. I ran into so many people i knew from Heritage who use to go there like Kenneth, William, EDDy, Daniel (who got his mission call to Brazil) Nataljia and others who i can't name right now. I ended up spending most of my night with the guys Paul, Josh, Brad, and others. The girls didn't seem to enjoy it but i sure had a blast. I went to go give a guy a hug to say hello and i ended up ripping half my toe nail off but it was so worth it all and i loved it.
this week has been so amazing i got to go to another baseball game. Even though i was only able to watch it for 15 min i still had so much fun with them and got to talk to the family for a bit.
Found out some news that was hard to take at first but over one night things changed and things were great again. So i am thankful for that.
Dance concert is this Friday and its going to be hard to watch knowing that i can't dance but i am glad that i could help mrs maughan out with first aid and anything else she needs me to do.
I will so have to let everyone know how it ends up going tho.
thats all my thoughts for today.....

HAPPY BOOK

2010-04-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

In 7th grade for charector and competince we read a book (well mrs maughan) in dance. It was called the happy book; its a book about how to keep happy thoughts and to stay possitvie. It talks a lot about saying i WILL do somethings instead of i CANT do something.
Well this year in dance since i can't dance i am reading the book and then answering questions about it. It has helped me realise a lot of things when i find myself being sad about something i am able to stop being so sad or mad and then be happy again. This has helped me count my blessings in life and realise all the things in life that matter. Instead of spending my time getting mad about something i can be using that time to help others or to better someone elses life.
keep your FRIENDS close and you ENEMY closer.

thoughts on a baseball game

2010-04-09T10:39:00.001-07:00

Tuesday i went down to Queen Creek for a baseball game that ko was in. While i was sitting with Ko parents and watching the game i kept thinking about how our life is like baseball we get things thrown our way and we choose if we swing or not swing. Sometimes we make a homerun and sometimes its a strike but the more we learn to swing at the ball the better we become. So i am learning to swing at the trials in my life and hit them head on and face them till the end. Im a survivour i wont give up i will keep trying

Angles in our life

2010-04-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

This coming week I have been really focused on the trials I have been faced with and I got to realising how many people were helping me and watching over me.
On Tuesday in seminary i just got this huge feeling to write a thought down and so i did and all day it was running through my mind. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Not exaclty sure why I wrote this down at first but throughout the day i realised why.
I got to school just in a great mood and wanting to focus on studying for me English test that was coming up second hour. Well first hour i have mathlab which allowed me to study for the test. Or so i thought. A girl came in wanting to talk to me about a problem she was facing. However, this girl and I were not on good terms and I had no intention of being nice to her in anyway and all I wanted to do was to yell at her and to scream and tell her how i really felt about her spreading lies to my friends about me and spreading things about some really good people. It was really iritating but instead of being mean i went out and talked to her.
I was able to calm her downa nd to make her think about somethings that she was overreacting to and I was hoping to change her mind set on some people. Not sure if i did or not.
Well before i knew it the bell rang and i had to go to english and take a test i was not ready for. I had studied the night before but haven't reviewed it since. The test was handed out and i said a little prayer to help me remember and i got 100% on the test. It was such an amazing feeling to me and i loved every bit of the way i felt.
throughout the day i was in this amazing mood for being able to control myself and for doing such a good job on a test.

WOW how things can change

2010-03-26T09:57:00.000-07:00

So many things have happened in the past month I wondered if I would make it through okay.
One of the hardest things I have had to face is watching dance and looking at all the things I am missing yet at the same time I have been given so many experiences to grow. I got to look deep into myself and find out what really mattered to me in my life.
I got mixed up in a situation that ended badly between some friends and it has been hard to try to fix everything that got messed up but i think Derek and Mike are finally seeing what really happened.
Ever since Mike moved out of his house this month it has been nothing but up and down for me. I have been accused of some really crazy things and have had to try over and over to fix them but i learned that the person that was telling all these things was going to do it any way and that who ever believed them really didnt know me for who I am. And it wasn't worth my time to try to convince them anymore that I did nothing wrong.
I was sitting in my wonderful seminary class one day and we were talking about how people have such an impact on our life and I shared with my class the story of Mike and how I was told somethings and it made me really hate his family for a while but over time not only did i hate them but i hated my own family and myself. I started to become a monster to live with or be around. But I found out that as soon as I pin pointed the reason as to why I had such hatred towards everyone was because i hated myself for getting in the middle of something that wasn't my place. Now Mike is no longer in his home and I had a part to play in that by not being a true friend and really encouraging him to stay with them. I also told Mike about the time i wanted to leave home and everything and that helped give him idea.
I learned to stay away from drama and to think possitive about life. This week so many things drama wise have been thrown at me but i gave up caring about it. I know it will only ruin my life and that things are only going to get harder if I allow the drama to come around.
I found out who i could really trust and be around this week and thou some people have said things that weren't true im not mad at them, ya it hurt at first but im no longer mad i am over everything that has happened and I am moving on.
If wanted and if its suppose to happen then the people whos friendship was lost over all this will come back if it is meant to be.
I just want to say that my life has been amazing even with theups and downs but it has been a great experience. I learned so much in this month then i would have ever imagined and I just want to thank everyone for allowing me to experience that.

week 3

2010-03-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

In a few hours it will be 3 weeks since my accident. I started out strong and hopeful and was going to fight this till the end.
However as time seems to be slipping away i have noticed myself getting frusterated at life. How i am missing school and missing my last year with friends. I haven't been home to play with my puppy in a while and i miss him like crazy.
Some days are harder than others but i know i can't let my emotions stop my body from healing. I got a fortune cookie today that said that over time things will be better and amazing. Well thats just to sumarize it.. I want it to be better.
I have noticed that when i start to feel sorry for myself i forget about all the other people around me who love me and care for me and pray for me everyday for me to get better.
I got a letter from Grandma Bates who lives in utah telling me she loves me and that everyday she id praying for me and she hopes i get better and remember who I am.
I have been blessed with an amazing family that i love and that love me.
I may be on week 3 of no school or no life but being at my sisters has been great. She has been there for me every minute and has sacrificed her life to take care of me.
Tonight she sang to me and it was so nice.
Bloging is sort of my way of keeping my mind busy and allows me to do something but lay down and stair at a tv screen..
LEARN IT LIVE IT LOVE IT

Trials

2010-02-23T09:37:00.000-08:00

Out of all the trials i have had to face in my life i would say that this is the hardest one i have ever faced.
Last Tuesday I was in ballroom doing lifts with some guys since Mrs. Kenney was out with a bad back so we took the day to do lifts. Well it was going pretty good and we were having fun. Knowing me im not scared to try new things and im not afraid to fall, i mean i got use to it after being dropped on my head a lot working with ballroom it always happens. So of course me thinking i know what im doing just goes for it with so much enthusiasm that i dont think about where i need to be and how to get there.
So On tuesday Brad and I were doing a lift and i must have grabbed on wrong (not sure what happened don't really remember) but i fell on my right shoulder and i felt my back and neck just crack and i knew something was wrong. I layed on the floor for a bit then tried to move but the pain was so bad.
So of course everyone in the class comes up and hovers over me so it wasn't good. I started to black out and i tried to stay awake and be strong but my body just wanted to tune out for a while. After a long while or thats what it felt like the paremetics showed up along with my mom and dad. So off to the hospital i went on a back board and a neck brace on.
While i was in the hosiptal i couldnt move so i had to have my mom and dad help me do anything. I got to the ER around 4:30 and didn't get x-rays done till about 10. I got the results that i have a fracture in my spine on the L4.
Of course this took out my chance of dancing in my last concert of high school. It also means no dance distinction that i have been wanting for 6 years and worked hard to get but can't finish my choreography since i can't dance.
I was in the hospital for 3 days and everyday Derek and friends from school came to see me and kept me company. Derek came at all kinds of hours in the day. On tuesday he came to the hospital at midnight and stayed with me till about 2 and just held my hand and just let me know he was there for me.
My parents, grandparents, aunt and uncle came to see me and gave me a blessing and the same day i was discharged.
I have been on a walker and have had a hard time getting around. I was on bed rest for about 4 day.
Dereks brother Adam and his wife Manda had the boys (who i babysat once) made me cards and came by the house to drop them off and brought me ice cream. It was so sweet of them.
Thank you everyone for all the prayers and get well wishes.
Today i started to try walkng without my walker and it hurts but i still try just not going to push myself because i know i need to heal if i ever want to dance again.
Even though this is the hardest trial i have faced i know i have family and friends who love me more than anything and care about me so much. I know the Lord loves me too and will help me get through this.
One thing i have learned in all the hard times i have been through is no matter what im never alone.
We are never alone we always have someone who is there watching over us and showing us the way to go. And when we fall into a dark pit a hand reaches out and catches us and pulls us back up.

Old Times

2009-12-26T16:11:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been going thru life so fast that you forget to slow down and remember the good old days..
Well today was one of them days.. Having family in town has gotten kind of crazy and its been heckic with everything going on right now, i havn't had time to sit down and think about what the life use to be like.. that is until now..
Yes we have all made really stupid mistakes we wish we haven't but I was just thinking about how things were before i made a really stupid mistake.. I mean it use to be so good. Use to go over to a house down the street and be there all day and all night.. Then we would walk down together and go see another friend and her brother.. Man we had so many memmories..
Our neighborhood is small but we use to be so close.. When i was growing up and in Elementry school all the kids use to go outside in the street at night and play kick the can and all these other fun games till about eleven or so.. We would do this everynight but weekends were the nights to talk about.. We have speed bumps in our neighborhood and for those who have been down know that they are a pain in the butt. Well to make matters worse two of us would lay down and hide from the cars till it got pretty close and then we would jump up and scare the people in the cars..
Ya we were pretty stupid back then..
Lets see only ran from the cops once in my neighborhood and thats because we were being to loud and people complained.. That was the day i found out that we had a neighborhood watch.. it was pretty funny but scary..
There are so many fun stories of my childhood and growing up in such an amazing neighborhood..
Now you look around houses are still the same but people have come and gone.. I lost one of my best friends to death, the other to moving.. Then the boys i use to hangout with are into drugs been to jail more than ones.. A girl is pregnant and another one is pretty messed up... we have been thru so much together.. Its crazy our little neighborhood is like its own compunity.. No matter all the stupid things people do we always end up finding a way to get together and having a great time..
Some of the adults us to go out and have a "good" old time but that stopped a few weeks ago... after a neighbors garage blew up and he got hurt pretty bad... Hes back home and things are looking good again but we will see..
Glad to at least have some people around that stay the same and are still fun to be with...
Yet i do miss playing kick the can and just sitting in the street in a circle playing games and talking about all matters of life and things... Or running from helicopters who would put spot lights on us trying to find someone else... Ya we got in trouble for that one tho..
No matter how bad things get and what happens i know i will always enjoy my past life..
Hard to believe that things are going and changing so fast...
yet i have really enjoyed what i have been given latly...

New Year Goal

2009-12-25T16:23:00.001-08:00

So i have been thinking about goals i want to set for this coming up year of 2010.. Not only is is a cool number but it is the year i graduate high school...
Looking back 2009 has brought me so many things.... At the begining of the year i wasnt sure about a lot of things.. Then the things i thought i was sure about ended up changing..
I have been put through hell this year and it was brought me alot of pain, but at the same time i have grown so much because of it..
If you would have asked me if I would be able to survive half the things i have been thru in one year i would tell you no way.. But here i am.. I survived a lot more things than i could ever imagine..
Tho it was hard and it took a lot of work i have gained the greatest gift of all and thats strength..
I have been able to deal with things that have been thrown my way so much easier then i ever thought i could...
In 09 i lost a lot of people i loved but at the same time grew and found new people to love and my love grew stronger for the ones i already had to love..
I have gone from hating to be around my family to always looking forward to being with them..
religion has been a big change on me.. I thought i would never be good at it but after everything i have been thru i have found myself closer and closer to what is right..
Walley has been a huge help for me.. When my parents were gone and I had no one home he was always there.. He was always willing to hear my cry, my laughs, my stories... he is the best gift ever and i love him so much...
one thing that has changes so much is my look on myself.. I went from not wanting to dance infront of people and feeling like i wasnt good enough for anything to end up tryingout for so you think you can dance in february.. Its a big step for me..
I dont care what people think anymore.. I got so sick of pleasing everyone but me that it started to really affect me.. So i took it and looked at all the good..
Tho life still throws things at me and some days are still hell it ends up being a day at a time and each time i get threw it and grow stronger... I have grown up..
I have gained some amazing friends who have been there for me for so long..
I have found a great guy who cares about me and it so sweet to me..
I cant wait to see what happens in 2010

Christmas of 09

2009-12-25T16:13:00.000-08:00

This year was the first Christmas I have had without Mitchell and the whole family together. Normally we get most of the family but this year we are missing Mark, Matt, Emily, Sam and Hillary. It was good to have Kelsie come into town and Mark will be joining her soon.
Last night Kelsie Katie and I slept over at Katies place and watched movies. This morning mom and dad came to join us there and we had a nice breakfast made by Katie... Then we sat and watched mom and dad open their presents from the kids.
Since Walley had his first Christmas with us I wanted to make it special so i went out and bought him some new toys and treats to enjoy.. and he loves his toys.. It was so cute to watch him get all happy when i pulled them out of the bag..
after opening presents we went to my grandparents house and got a phone call from Mitchell. He sounds so grown up and he is doing so well. we are all so proud of his hard work.. It was nice to meat up with the Spandrea couple while talking to mitchell..
After we all got to talk to Mitchell for a while we headed of to Red Mountain to launch off rockets we had made.. We met up with a lot of my dads family there and we all shot off rockets..
Poor walley was shaking so bad because of being cold and the rockets didnt help so he stayed in my sweater all day...
Towards the end we decited to just make a lot of them blow up so off they went.. One was really fun we set it off with gun powder inside but it hit the ground and then blew up after and it was the coolest thing to see.. Of course it scared some parents who didnt expect it but it was way awsome..
after doing rockets we came home to take a little break before heading over to grandmas for dinner and some more fun...
this year has been a very interesting year.. I wasnt sure what to expect with mom and dad always leaving and spending a lot of time on my own.. It has been hard being a lone so much after coming from a big family but im glad there back in town..
Its been one heck of a year...
All to start off again soon...

True meaning of CHristmas

2009-12-21T17:48:00.000-08:00

So as i have learned over the years what Christmas really is about.. Our family hasn't done a whole Santa Christmas in a few years and it has been such a blessing to me... At first i was pretty bumbed when I found out but now it has been the best Christmas gift I could have. I mean whats better then staying in the snow with your family.. I mean we are always crazy and we go snow mobiling and it has been such a memorable time with the fmaily.. This year however is going to be different.. Since so many people came down for thanksgiving and for Katies graduation of nursing school they cant all come down for Christmas. So this year dad has decited to build rockets and to set them off Christmas afternoon with friends and family so it should be a good experience. We did it for a family reunion a few years back and it was such a blast...
I cant wait for christmas this year.. Were having a giant sleepover at Katies house with mom dad katie me kelsie... Spencer and Andrea are staying the night at Andrea's parents house so they wont be with us.... Just the thought of mom and dad staying up late and playing games is going to be a funny thought.....
So i guess my true meaning of Christmas is the love of families... I love them and yes we have our times like all other families when we want to scream and bite each others heads off but i think the older we are getting the better we are getting at that...
So for my family out there i love you all and i can't wait to hear from you this holiday season... May God be with you and protect you...
Thanks to all the friends and family and teachers out there who have been there for me when i needed you most.. I love you all with all my heart.. May your life be blessed for helping me and my family thru are hard times.. we all love you so much
love always
Karie Bates

Family

2009-12-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

Okay so our family has been faces with so many trials in our life, but it has been amazing how everytime we always get thru it.
Well as i am growing up i am learning each day to trust and respect my family more. I like this new boy and i have been telling my family about him like crazy.. I have just grown a deeper love for them and for everything they have done for me....
Most of them are gone out of state and all but we are still really close... I think we get closer everytime we are together and when we become apart...

I cant wait till we can all get together again and have a good old laugh... I may not get all my family for Christmas but i get at least some and im glad to take that...

Love you family

Weekend to start Christmas vacation

2009-12-21T17:30:00.000-08:00

So mom and dad left on Thursday night to go up to visit Matt and the rest of the family in Utah. So that left me to be home alone. Luckaly Katie needed me to take her to the airport the next morning really early so i went and stayed at her house Thursday night so i wasn't alone. Friday morning we woke up and off to the airport we went. I dropped her off and went back home. I was going to go to sleep but poor walley hadnt seen me all night so all he wanted to do is play so of course me being his little mommy went and played with him. I get a call from katie about an hour after I get home to tell me that she needs me to come back and pick her up. The flight was to full for her to get on so she has to wait till Sunday. I went and got her and we came back home and we ended up going to see a movie "The princess and the Frog" It was such a cute movie. After that i get a text from Derek asking to go see a movie at four so i went and met him at the theater and we saw "Avatar." I thought i would hate that movie but it was actually a really good movie. The previews looked gay and lame but the story was good. After the movie Derek invited me to go play games with his family and grandparents. So i went and we were going to play games but by the time we got there people were leaving and so we decited to go bowling. It was such a blast. It was a great night.
Then kc slept over at my house..

Saturday kc and i woke up at 8:30am and we were so slap happy we were crazy. Plus i was all happy from the night before. We ended up watching tv and just sitting down all day. That evening we watched elf and i had a little magic happen.. Oh the blesssings that happen... :') isnt it fun keeping somethings hidden. So im the onlyone that really knows what happend hehehe...
I went back to Smiths and spent the night there. Funny story i guess i was sleeping and I said Neil Armstrong and kc asked what and we had a conversation about it.. Then i realised i was asleep and talking so i asked her if she asked me a question and she said no so i laughed and said i feel so retarted.

Sunday i woke up at 11:30 and went out and daniel was over so we spent time talking and laughing.. It was good then the rest of the day we just sat and watched movies and chilled. It was such a relaxing time.. Sunday night i went and saw a friend and his family and it was so much fun. I was scared at first but i ended up having the best time ever. :) it was so worth everything... Dad came home later that night...

I cant believe how happy i have been these last few days. I thought it would be a really hard weekend with mom and dad gone but it wasnt. It was really good.

Its good to have dad back home...
Love the world.... :)

Hurt

2009-12-13T15:11:00.000-08:00

For a long time i have had feelings of hurt and anger towards a friend or former friend of mine.
I have tried to get over it for so long and i wasn't able to... Until i realised that I was the only one holding onto the hurt feelins. I was allowing them to over take me and to control me and my thoughts. Not anymore. Im not mad at you i love you and i want to you your friend. You have done so much for me you were there with me when i needed you. You allowed me to go and teach other classes about things i love. You helped me overcome my biggest fears. Your family has done so much for me. I still remember all those crazy times we had. those fun early mornings before school and during lunch and a lot during class but it was so fun... thank you and God Bless you

LOVE

2009-12-13T15:10:00.000-08:00

ever wondered what love is ever wondered how it felt... Let me tell you something
love is unaversal
love is kind
love is a heart warming feeling
love is my family and walley
I love so many people in my life.

Catching up

2009-12-13T14:53:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago Heritage had its dance concert. It went well we had 6 showing and some were better then others but it was so much fun. thanks to all those who helped out and made it possible. it was a blast.

Walley turned one as of Friday december 11. It has been weird to watch him grow up but also a blessing. I love that puppy more then anything right now. He is there for me after a hard day and he is always just so happy. Yes he can be a stinker like peeing on the floor and runing outside when he shouldnt be but in the end he always runs back gives me a kiss and just loves on me. Its the best feeling in the world.

Mnay things in life arent always as they seem. Actually they are never as they seem. Somedays you think it is worth it all but then others you ask why over and over. All i know is that there are so many things to love in this world and though people come and go and it affects us when they do there is always one constant thing between all of it... We learn from what happend. We learn from our mistakes we learn from things and we like it or not.

Thoughts

2009-12-13T14:51:00.001-08:00

This has been a very hard few weeks for my family but together we have pulled through and held on to each other pretty tight.

I just want to say that im so thankful for a teacher and friend who has helped me realize so many things in life and to understand more things.

Last week i found out a friend died and that was hard for me but i was able to get through it and was able to move on.
Also there just seem to be little things that keep coming up and it hurts at times but it is all for the good i know that.

long time no write

2009-10-25T15:32:00.000-07:00

Wow it has been forever since i have written anything down...
My life has been up and down but mostly up.. everyone has their ups and downs and we all run into them so don't try to deny them it always happenes....
This last week was homecomming week and we had a blast. Dance four had the privalige of performing for the half time show at the football game that Heritage won... We are undefeeted..... First year since i have been at Heritage we have been... Well guess we have only had football for a few years but its still way exciting...

The game was intense had a lot of hurt people that i had to bandage up and get better... I thought almost lost my homecomming date Jon... He was playing and got hit and then couldnt get up so i ran to the field with the EMT and we got him up and he had popped his shoulder out of place but it popped back in... So thankful he was okay in pain but okay...

There were a lot of little things like that at the game and so it was hard to have to deal with that especially after half time when i hurt my ankle i was in pain but the players needed me and so i just sucked it up and moved on to help my fellow team... Isnt that what a team is all about..

I was talking with a friend at the game. Her son playes on the team and she is just as stuborn as i am. If someone tells her to do something she does the opposite just because.. I have always been an independent person and people like that and if they dont well go look else where because im not changing...

So for the heads up dont tell me what to do especially when I am hurt dont ever tell me to stop... And DONT ever tell me that im not reaching my limit... I had a coach tell me that and he was basing my grade off of how hard i push myself... I couldn't breath because i was pushing myslef way more then i should with a messed up back neck and ankle and not to mention chest pain.... so instead of having the grade i deserve i have a lower one..... I push my self more then anyone else knows and if bothers the crud out of me when people tell me to slow down.....

Now that i got that out of the way i need to log off for a minute while i do some other things... Ill tell how it all goes... Ward boundaries are gettting changed today and i need to go see who we loose or get or both... Sad

Life

2009-06-08T19:18:00.001-07:00

Life plays interesting games. And sometimes i just wish those games would end. But its all different and it depends on how you look at things.

wedding

2009-06-07T18:45:00.000-07:00

My brother sam got married saturday. it was such a great experience to have hillary a part of our new bates family. it seems like we keep growing and it will keep going.
I love sam and Hillary and they are such a great couple.
Last night at the reception i was watching them and it was so cute how in love they were.
i have loved having my family here in town. we have had so much fun. When my family gets together we are always crazy. im going to post a few convos that we had last night, and you will be able to see how crazy we get.
WOW my family is all growing up and its going crazy. in Aug. i will be the only one home with my family.
kelsie moves up to utah with her fiance next weekend and its going to be so crazy. I have shared a room and a bed with my sister my whole life and now i get my own room and my own everyhting.
wow its hard to get my head around this.
but i guess change is something that is always going to happen. wow

Sunday

2009-06-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

Today has been a very interesting day. I woke up this morning in pain from my head. So i slept in and wasn't able to say good bye to my brother and sister who went back to chicago today. So i missed them.
Well i woke up and got dressed really quick and we went to my cousins church cause they were blessing their baby logan. It was such a neet experience. I can't believe they have a baby and it was so good to see them.
In church my sister mom and I played connect the dots and it was so much fun. im not sure what half the testimonies where about but it was still fun. Neet story during one of the testimonies a guy did it in sign language and it looked amazing. I felt the spirit so strong as i watched him.
that was a good meeting. then i went over to my aunts cabin and had dinner with them. Ill put some pictures on here from it soon.
When i got home i found out that my young womans teacher got released and she had become my best friend. I took it pretty hard. We have become so close and her husband and her have been the best thing that has happened to me in so long. They have helped me through so much, and they never judge me no matter what i do.
My biggest fear is that we will loose contact, but she promises we will stay close so i will probably stay close with them and spent as much time with them as i can.
My past young woman leaders that i have had we use to be close and then all of a sudden when they got released we stoped talking and it was pretty hard for me to lose them. So i just fear that the same thing will happen again with cindy but were going to try all we can to stay close.
oh the hard things in life always happen when you least expect it.
so i guess im trying to go with the flow of life and see where it takes me. However i sometimes want to just throw a fit.
oh boy

Utah

2009-06-04T19:10:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we got in the car and drove up to Utah. Let me tell you what it totaly stunk. The whole time my head was hurting and i wanted to keep throwing up. I did a few times in the morning but once everything was cleared out of the system i no longer could.
So the dive up was miserable, but im glad were here.
My brother Sam is getting married on Saturday so we came up a few days ealy to get things ready for it and to just be able to relaxe.
I am supposed to be at girls camp right not but after i got my cuncussion there was no way i was going to make it up there. So i came up to Utah with my family earlier.
Yesterday when we got here some of Katies friends came over and we talked and it was fun.
Then today we went to a temple open house and i wish i could have enjoyed it more but i was feeling so sick i was trying so hard to not fall over and die. Okay well not die but i felt like i should have.
So the temple was so pretty and i can't remember being in one in a long time. I don't even remember when i got seeled to my family but i have the feeling of it, just not the memory that goes with it.
After the temple i wentback home and i have been in bed since this morning. I keep trying to get up and do things but it doesnt work out so well for me.
so im hoping over the next few hours my head will magicaly heal and i will be able to go to my brothers wedding dinner tomorrow and then have fun at his reception on saturday. I want to enjoy as much of Utah as possible before i have to leave and go back to the hot hot hot araizona.

Boating

2009-06-04T18:54:00.001-07:00

This Saturday i went boating with a group of friends. We went a while back and it was so much fun so we wanted to go again.
Well we went to the lake first and found out it was full of people and there would be a two hour wait so we went up to canyon lake and went boating there.
We get there and were all so hot from being in a car for a while and so we get out into the lake and the first thing we do it jump in the water. Well it started out with one guy having to go to the bathroom so he jumped in and then i followed and then so did others. Well we kind of pushed them in but it was still fun. So we swam around for a little while.
Then we wanted to do wake boarding. Last time i almost got up but then i kep falling right before i was able to get up. So the guys tried it and then when we were almost done i wanted to try to see if i could get up this time. So i went a few times and I almost got up but i couldn't keep my balance so next time im going to try something new. I want to be able to get up and see what it feels like.
Well after that we went and did lunch on a "beach" if you can call it that. it was all rocks. So we had lunch and had a good time and then we got the party started.
We added the bananah boat to the back of the boat. In case those of you who don't know what it is, its shaped like a bananah and it can fit 6 people on it and you just ride behind the boat. Well of course we wanted to do it because its so much fun and its a challenge trying to stay on. Well with our driver Pete it was. So we get on and were going to fast and were staying on for a while and then we hit the wave and we all flip over. (problome with bananh boat is when it tips everyone gets hurt) so of course when we tip people are getting elbowed in the face and hit in the head and its causing all sorts of pain, but its fun at the same time. So we kept doing that for a little while and then i start getting light headed and i get out of the lake and sit in the boat the rest of the time.
I kept seeing stars and i kept blacking out while i was on the boat but i didnt think to much of it. Well the more time i was on the boat getting bumped the worse it got.
Well after a while everyone decited it was time to go home so we went home.
By this time i was completly in pain and i wanted to bad just to lay down and sleep and hope it would go away.
We got to Devins house and then i got in my car and drove. I know such a stupid thing but i did. When i got home i knew something else was up beside just getting hit a fe times. I was home alone cause we had stake confrence so my family was at that. Well i called my sister who is a nurse (or training to be) and asked her what i should do. She told me to call my sister in law and see what she said. So i did and i relaxed for a little bit.
When my mom got home my head was hurting pretty bad and i told her what had happened and she took me to the doctor who told me to go to the ER and get a head scan. So of course we go to the ER i get a head scan and X-rays of my right knee cause i had hurt that too. Well they come back and tell me my knee is spranged and my head looks good but i have a concussion. They gave me some medicine to calm my pain but within 20 min of that i was dying with pain. I mean i thought my head was going to blow up or something, I kind of wish it would have so the pain would have stopped. Well the doctors had to give me morfeen to calm it down and they had to run some other tests to see if i was all right and if they missed anything.
But over time i was able to calm down and the pain was slowly going away.
Now my head just hurts and i can't do anything. I tried to walk around for a while but the pain is way to bad.
so now instead of having a good summer i am laying in bed with a concussion and trying to over come it.
STOP

another week and im alive

2009-05-02T13:35:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone it has been another week that i have lived.
Its been such a weird and hard week but then at the same time it was amazing.
It was good because i was able to see a lot of people at heritage. i had to go there a lot this week in order to talk to the princible about me comming back next year. I finally was able to meet with him and everything went well so it looks like im going back to heritage my senior year.
Yes i am so excited.
i cant wait i get to have a good scheduale it will be mostly dance and football and so i can work more on bettering myself for ballroom.
oh speaking of ballroom i am trying to enter in as many competitions as possible so i kind of get my name out there. My goal is to be an amazing ballroom dancer and i want to do a lot with dance. i cant even begin to tell you how much i have missed dance. I have been working at home to prepare for next year and for a summer class that im taking. I am way excited.
mitchell got his mission call this week and we had a great gathering of people to see him open it. Ill post pictures in a little while when i get more time.
my mind is off in another world right now so im a little distracted.
all you have to know is im doing great and that im taking things one step at a time and one day at a time and it has been working great for me. Some days are harder than others but over all things are going great. I love the feeling i am just so happy and things are just amazing.
ill leave it at that

long tym

2009-04-24T08:05:00.001-07:00

sorry it has been a while since i have wrote on my blog page. I have been busy with a lot latly so time just slips away.

A lot has happened latly but im not so sure i remember everything that has happend. i guess i will try my best to remember.

Lets see this week has been a fun adventure.

Sunday my uncle was ordained and it was a great experience. I loved seeing my aunts and uncles. It was very fun.

Monday i worked on school and then hung out with KC for a while. We went over to my aunts house for FHE and after words KC and I went to Wal Mart to get a book for me. I am reading to Kill a Mocking Bird and it is one of my favorite boooks.

on Tuesday KC and I went with her sister to go get a dress for KC at the wedding. It was fun and KC looked to cute in her dress. I cant believe Daniell is getting married at the end of this month. It seems like just yesterday we were all sitting out in the middle of the road waiting for cars to come by and then we would lay down behind a speed bump and wait till the very last minute before popping back up. We did some pretty crazy things but it was so much fun. i guess i never really let that part of me go. I am still doing crazy things. sometimes we just have to live on the edge of life. I think i am pretty close so i better back off a little.

Wednesday i went to KC house and then we went over to a nabor's house to look at her puppies that her dog had. She said we could have one for free and that we can take one home to show our parents and to see what they would say about keeping it. of course we tried. We took one over to my house first to get it water and to let it see Walley. Of course Walley was having a blast playing with the puppy even though it was twice as big as Walley. We had a lot of fun with him. Of course mom said no to getting the dog but it was still worth asking.

Thursday i went out and got a prom dress. A guy in my ward who sits behind my family in church. Well i started talking to him and then we became good friends. We were messing around about going to prom together but then over a period of a few weeks i asked him to go to prom with me and he said yes. So i took KC and we went and bought a prom dress. While we were looking a found this really pretty wedding dress and just for the fun of it i tried it on. Well Kc and i were trying to get it on and the zipper broke. Of course only we could be the ones to brake a wedding dress. it was so funny.

Friday was a good day. I went to a softball game and got to see people from heritage. It was the annual seniors VS staff softball game. Every year since i have been at heritage the staff has always won. We have always joked around that 2010 would be the year that we the seniors won. Of course were going to make it happen. So i got to chatten wid some friends. On my way home i was just chillin in da car at a red light and all of a sudden i look behind me and there is a cop with its lights on. I was just thinking okay i get out of his way when the light turns green. So i went to go switch lanes and then realised that he was wanting me. So i pulled over and pulled into the walgreens on guadalupe and val vista. i was terrified of what was going to happen. I remained calm and when the officer came up he asked if i knew why i got pulled over. I said cause i was speeding and he said yes but thats not the only reason. he said i didnt use my blinker. He asked me for my liecense and registrationa dn proof of insurance. Of course i had no idea where it was so i looked and pulled it out. He went to his car and was gone for ten min then cmae back and told me that it was expired and that the fines would be over a thousand dollars. he said since i was so polite and respectful and since i was young he didnt want to put me in a whole already. i thanked him with all my heart and told him to have a good day. It was a very frightning experience but it was definently a great one. The minute i watched him drive away i knew that this was what i wanted to do for my life. I know i should have been frightend a little and over come with realive but i kept thinking about how i would one day be doing that same thing. How one day i could protect the streets. I just smiled then the thought of telling mom came into my mind. It scared me but i knew it would be okay. i got home and told her and right after i told her she said oh here is the registration. I just laughed. I could have put that on the car earlier and not had to worry about the embaresment but it was a good experience.

Saturday was good. i woke up and got more stuff to fix my prom dress. Then i was cleaning down stairs. As i was cleaning i cut the bottom of my foot and then dropped a can on my foot. it hurt and i tried to walk it off like they always tell me in football. However it kept getting worse. It was bleeding and i couldnt get it to stop. I wanted so badly for it to stop hurting. I was supposed to go to a movie promo for a new movie comming out on MAy 8 called dance n love. I was going to go dance at tempe town market place for a promo with a hundred other people. It was supposed to be the best part of my day but instead i am sitting at home watching my new favorite show Southland. Since i missed it on Thursday.
Im off to watch me show now

Thursday

2009-04-16T22:00:00.001-07:00

Okay so today was a really good day. it started out slow but then it picked up in the evening. I went to seminary and on my way there i had 12 motorcycle cops behind me all in 2 lines. it was pretty weird. well it got worse so we kept driving and then 6 of the cops go infront of me and 6 stay behind me. Well we stopped at a red light and when it turned green again all there lights went on. i was terified that i did something wrong but i guess i dind't cause when i went to go pull over they waved me off and so i went back in line and then they turned and that was the end of that. So i told my seminary teacher and he got a big laugh out of it.
When i got home from seminary i went and started working on math. ugh i hate math with every part in my body. it sometimes is physically painful to do math and today was one of those days. so i was doing pretty good doing math online but then we went to the next lesson and i had no clue what to do. so i didn't do anything until last night. i got Matt Davis my old math teacher to help me out and it was great. so i was able to understand what i was doing and it was a good feeling but still stressful. so i felt pretty sick after getting math some what done. i got my first test done.
I wanted to take a nap but im not allowed to because it will keep throwing my sleep pattern off. i have a sleep problome and i havn't been able to sleep well for months. it got better for about a week and now its getting worse. i do things in my sleep i dont even remember doing. its weird. So i been really tired latly cause im working harder and exerciseing and thats been good.
So instead of taking a nap i went and read my book for a while. By the way i finished Twilight and it was a great book so now im reading New Moon. I have to confess that New Moon bothers me for right now. I put myself into the story so much that its to werid how things have turned out. i feel like i should be in that book. That might be a little why i have trouble sleeping cause i read it before i go to bed normally and so i have all these thoughts going through my head so i think ill only read it during the day.
so i had to get up to heritage today to drop eye liner off for my brother cause he is in the play and needed some makeup. so i did that and i went and hungout with a bunch of people after that. I went and saw stephanie and that was good to see and talk to her in person. its been a while and so it was good. I also got to talk with Nathan who has been my friend for a while. We use to go to Jack In The Box everymoring at 6 and go eat or sometimes we would go to just talk. It was a tradition so of course we went and it was great. We talked about a lot of things, i also got to see Paul and that was good he is a good friend. so i saw a lot of people and said hello to all.
After being at Heritage for a while i went to the soccer game that heritage was having. I have been talking to my good friend Rob and so he wanted me to come so i did plus its always a good way to be social. I need to be more social things are getting weird that im not. Plus its healthy for me. So i went and the team was practicing before the game so i was walking onto the feild to find a seat and the team looks at me and waves and say hello and are so nice to me.
I saaw Alex Navarro and so i went and talked to him and we talked the whole game. well for half of it at least and then Steve Maughan came and of course he is always cracking jokes and making fun of people. it is actually kind of funny and i cant help but to laaugh even when his jokes are stupid there still funny. So he was making fun of the players and of the game and of me and Alex of course. It was very cold outside and Alex and I didnt have a jacket so we got a blanket from the coach and we were sharing it so of course steve had to make a comment about us being together so of course we played along.
The funniest part about the evening was Alex steve and I were watching the game and all of a sudden this BIG girl from the other team her number was 0 well one of our players got the ball away from her and she fell on her butt and instead of getting back up and getting the ball back she sat on the ground and folded her legs and then folded her arms like a little kid throwing a fit. it was so funny. we just started laughing and couldnt help but keep going. Well she finally got up and instead of running after the ball she stayed in one place and didnt move even when the ball was coming toward her she made others run for it. So of course she became the butt of our jokes the rest of the evening.
After the game ended i went and talked to the players cause most of them are my good friends. So i went and talked to mike and rob and reagan and alex. So we were talking and then everyone left except skip, rob, celien, alex and i. So we went out to the parking lot and were talking and just messing around. it was pretty fun. Well rob and celien want me to hangout with them tomorrow so ill probably do that.
The most exciting news is that i am writing a book. I have started a few books before but i never liked where they were going so i never finished them. i am determined to finish this one no matter what. Im not telling anyone what it is about or let them read any of it until i feel like the time is right.
Anyways its been a long day but a good one and full of surprises.
I love things that happen random.

MONDAY and TUESDAY

2009-04-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

Okay so Monday was a very funny but very odd day in a way. It started out me being woken up by my dad for prayers but when i went to go get up my head felt like it fell off. Actually i think it did fall off and when i layed back down it reatached. So i had this enormouse headache and i thought i would die. I had tears in my eyes and the light of the light it killed. Any who my mom gave me medicine and i went back to bed. I wake up again to my mom telling me to go to seminary. Okay at this point i was doing pretty good the headache was gone but boy did i feel drunk. yet my body was shaking and i was all jittery. The power of cafeen people. my mom gave me a cafieen pill to make my headache go way and i was jittery. I went to seminary good but i got home and was shaking all over and it felt so weird. so the rest of the day pretty much consisted of me doing homework until about 5pm and then my mom told me to get in the car cause we were going to see my brothers father inlaws video he made about his father. It was being played at the Pheonix film festival. Its called baby boomerang. If you want to know more about it
www.babyboomerange.com
its a very good video. So my mom and i drove out there. Well we tried but we got lost cause my brother gave us the wrong directions and my mom didn't have her phone with her to call so we found a Fry's and my mom went in to call. we found the place It was being played at Harkins Theater on Scottsdale rd. so we went in watched the movie for the second time (we saw it when he first showed it, at a Harkins in mesa) After the movie everyone was going to go to Paradise Bakery but mom and i wanted to get home cuase i was tired and she wanted to spend time with her HUBBY since he had work and couldn't come. we get out to the car and we get in and all ready to go and then my mom realises she had the lights on. OH NO we both thought sure eough the car was dead. we went inside and found somone with Cable jumpers, so mom and i ended up going to paradise Bakery with everyone else. it was good and it was fun. Paridise Bakery gave us all a big box of cookies since it was the end of the night and they needed to get rid of them any ways. we got our car back and it was all good. the rest of the night was all good 2
TUESDAY it was lame till this evening. my friend KC called and since she is grounded we talked on the phone instead. We talked for 2 hours and normaly talking on the phone isn't something i do unless its to plan something real quick or to get some information. Other than that i stick to text and online things. but we had a blast talking on the phone and it was so much fun. we did random things and it was funny. Now here is the funny part of the evening. I took my dog instide my room cause he had been in his room all day and so i felt bad and so i took him out to run around in my room and while i was talking on the phone to KC, and i looked over at my dog and he was scooting his bum on the floor and so i thought he had to go poo but i suddenly smelt something not pleasant and i i turned over more and saw poo on my floor in the closet. It was funny but sick at the same thing. Well after that he just ran all over my room and carried a jingling cat with him (it was his same size and im sure his same weight).
Now the only thing is i have so many things on my mind and it can be done in so many ways and i can't sleep bacause of it and its driving me crazy. UGH this is so weird. There are so many things in my life that can be done in so many ways and now that i have more its driving me crazy. I tried to go to bed around 9 but everything was running through my head that i was more awake and it totaly stinks. so now i am facebookin and blogging and playing with my puppy. At least this will help get my mind off somethings. Now ill go read Twilight.
NIGHT

Sunday March 5, 2009

2009-04-05T20:56:00.001-07:00

To all my blog readers out there.
Let me share with you my past few days.
Friday, was a very god day until night time. I did some work and then got a call from KC saying she was at home not feeling well but wanted to know if i wanted to exersice with her that day. Her sister Daniell is getting married May 28 and so we are both trying to get in better shape for it. for her its to lose some weight and for me its to gain muscles. So i went over there and we workedout and just had a good time. I have to admit we worked out for maybe 30min and then we gave up on the idea and watched TV instead. we were watching really carefully to see if her mom was coming home so i could run out of the house. since KC was home sick we thought we would get in trouble so we wanted to play it safe. Well we were watching TV and we thought we heard her mom come in so i ran to KC room and jumped out the window and ran next door to my house. it was very funnny. Well later on KC called me and said it was a false alarm so i ran for no reason but it was really funny. I ended up going to get Wendy's for her and i to enjoy. (funny though we had sworn to not eat junk food and stay healthy for the wedding and all).. didn't work out so well. So i spent my evening with her and i was there till late.
Saturday... I woke up and was in a pretty bad mood and didn't want to do anything. I got up watched confrense but then i went online and started looking up apartments to see what kind i wanted and to see who had the best pprices. i am just trying to get a better understanding of what to expect when i move out and to get as much money as possible before i move out and start my life. So if anyone needs help doing anything i will do anything to earn some extra cash these days...
so i foound this amazing house and rent was $250 a month for 3bedroom 3bath. i couldn't believe it i thought it was a joke so i wrote down the address and went to go see it. it was indeed the real price and it was amazing. I watched more confrence and at night i went to go run because i was having such a hard time thinking about leaving my house and wanting to grow up and wanting to just party and forget about my problomes, running was good for me however i pushed myself to hard and now i am paying for doing that. When i am frusterated i tend to overdo myself and its bad.
Sunday....Today was a good day. I watched the rest of confrence and it was good, i must admit i thought saturday was much better but thats in my opinion.. I planned all my school work out and when i wanted to get everything done in order to do more school in the summer so i can be done before my 18 birthday. (HOPEFULLY). i planned out money and categories i needed to safe for and how i was going to get about doing it.
My family has invited Josh over for dinner every Sunday.. However it has been over a month since we last saw each other and when we split up. So i invite him every Sunday to come over ansd spend sometime with my family and get to know the REAL ME and my family. Well i told him about it today and i thought it would be a no like all the other times but instead he said yes that he would come and be there at 5:30. One thing i didn't know was that my grandparents had invited our family over to her house for a special dinner since most of the cousins and parents will be gone for easter sunday. So i told josh about it and asked him if he was still wanting to go and he said yes. However when he didn't show up to my house on time and we couldn't get ahold of him i thought he wasn't going to come. i was preparing myself for it and i started to feel so bad and all these things were rushing to my head. We got to my grandmas and we were just starting dinner and i was about to cry at this point not knowing what to expect and then all of a sudden he walks through the door with my dad and i was so happy. My heart just did flips in the air. I know it sounds crazy cause were not together but i was so hapy. so i got my dinner since he already aet his and we went outside with my cousins to eat. however there was no room at the table so josh and i went over to a rocking bench while i aet. we started to talk casually and the more we talked the more i opened up to him. I wasn't sure what to do or what to say since i knew we weren't together and i wasn't sure how to act. so we kept talking and then we started having a more serious confersation on our feelings towards each other and our plans for colledge and for the future. it was great and we laughed and we had a good time. Then we went to go play with my little cousins in the yard and we started having a leaf fight. My cousins had piled leaves ontop of one of them and he jumped out when we got there and we started having a leaf fight and running all over. it was great. we had everyone gather together and talk about what we liked about confrense and it was good. I sat by Josh and whenever he would look at me i felt so warm and so peacful. When i was with him everything was so good and i felt so great. It was amazing. Well we went outside cause my family was leaving and so i took josh outside to the car to give him his Valentinse day present that i never gave him. well i gave it to him and he really liked it. I gave him a hug and we said goodbye.
Right now i feel like the happiest person around. I feel so peaceful and all feels well. its amazing i havn't felt this good for a long time.
This feeling is amazing and even though i won't see him till next week im not sad. im so happy to spend my time with him tonight. Yes it will be a long week and it will be hard but being with him is so magical. i can't explain the feeling. i want to be the best i can be and i feel so comftorable around him and everything just seems to play just right.
It has been a good night and i must say goodnight now or i will never stop writing. I need some time to think and to just take this feeling in. so off to go lay into the night.
Love Always
Karie

End of the Day

2009-04-02T21:32:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a very interesting day. I woke up this morning really tired from taking a muscle relaxer in order to sleep at night and to keep myself from pulling out my night guard, its supposed to help me not pull it out in order to keep my jaw in place but i always manage to pull it out more than once per night. i even tighed an ace bandage around my head to keep it more secure but i broke that too and then took out the night guard. But anyways i woke up this morning at 10 which is late to start a day. I woke up and i knew i needed to get started on my school work but i wa just to dang tired and couldn't think so i played with my puppy walley for a while. I took him outside and while he played out there and enjoyed running around i read twilight on a sofa that we put outside since we got a new one yesterday. i stayed outside for about an hour and a half and then came inside and decited that i needed to get going on my work or i would never get around to it. So i went in my room and studyed for a test and tried to not think about anything else. however that didn't work out that great. i kept waiting for KC to come home so i could go talk to her cause its been one of those days when things are going weird and a lot is running through your mind and your not sure what to do but you know that being around one person can make all the difference. Well i took my test and then found out all my schooling was done for this week so i had a few hours to relaxe and do nothing basically. i tried to watch TV but couldn't keep focus so i played with my puppy again. Then read Twilight all day. In the evening a took my dog and went to a soccer game for heritage. We played great and we won. it went into over time and it was intense but it was also very fun to watch. However seeing everyone from heritage made me miss it so much. Not the school as much as the teachers and friends that i had there. Plus a lot of good things happened at that school and now anytime i see heritage students i can't help but to realise how mest up i let things get. its hard but i know i have to over come it some time so i think i just need to see them more and try my hardest to let things go. The past is in te past i need to move on. So from now on i am going to work three times as hard as i ever have on moving on. Now i also know that we shouldn't completly forget the past for it is the one thing that keeps us from doing what we did to get in trouble so i will keep that in mind but i need to let all my hurt go.
I can't wait till tomorrow to hangout with KC for a long time and just do stupid things like we always do. Always up for surprises. well see what tomorrow brings.
good night to all and to all a good night.

START FRESH and NEW

2009-04-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,
sorry it has been so long since i have wrote anything. It started getting crazy around here and things started to change but i have time now to hopefully do this on a regulare bases.
First of all this week has had its ups and down. I started online schooling about a month ago and that has been going great. Im loving it and i am understanding it better than i thought it would. When i first found out i was doing online i thought i was going to die but no i am still alive and loving it. its great cause i hated math for ever cause i was having a hard time getting it done but now everything it working great. i am finally getting it and its going by so much faster.
Lets see about a month ago i aslo got a new puppy. things were going horrible in my life at that time and we saw this puppy and i knew it was exactly what i needed in my life. his name is WALLEy and he is so dang cute. you can check out his blog. I know its funny i made him one but i couldn't help it. He is a very well behaved dog. (for the most part anyways)
Okay so this week i finally decited to do things different (for the good) and so i thought oh hey it will be just what i needed but come to find out last night maybe i was wrong.
Who knows we will play it by ear for this one.
I have been spending a lot of time with my nabor KC. We have done things together everyday this week and it has been a blast. I think her mom is gettinga little annoyed because when she is with me the mom can't go out and have her fun so i think today we are taking a little break. Well just for a few hours so her mom can get her play time in as well. All parents need that. plus im going to a soccer game for Heritage. (school i was going to)
it should be fun and who knows what will happen.
Okay let me update you on whats going on with this Josh guy. We had been going out for three years but then things started to change between us and we were both stressed out about our lifes at home and so it got really messy and things didn't go as well as we thought it would. Well we decited that we needed to stop dating and only be friends. Come to find out he is dating another girl and that that about killed me. I couldn't believe what was happening but you know what its something that needed to happen. Yes of course i am still hurt about the whole thing because i really did like him alot. Its hard to even think of them together but i have to look on the upside of things. This allows me time to find out who i really am and to start dating around and see who else is out there for me.
I got asked to go on a few dates this week but i just wasn't ready to do that yet so instead i am just haningout with the guys and just being friends. I want another relationship for a long time. im not sure i could handle it any ways.
So im sure all of you have heard about the book twilight. Well i swore in everything i had that i was not going to read the books or anything. Well my sister in law came over last week and had rented the movie twilight (well my brother did) and so since we were both really lazy and didn't want to get another movie we decited we would watch the movie. Well it was a little weird i admit but i also loved it. So i went over to KC's house and asked to borrow the book and i have fell in love with it. When i read that book i feel like nothing else matters in the world. Yes i know its about vampires and all but it really is a good book. I try to put myself as the girl and picture how things would go if i was in her shoes. I have a tendency to do that ever since i took english with Mrs. Patch. She was always telling us to put ourselfes in the other person shoes so here i am doing the same thing i learned in 9th grade.
Don't you just love reading a book that makes you forget all your worries and anything bad thats going on in your life. i love it.
So many of you know i had a TMJ problome. my jaw was locked for three weeks and we tried to get into the doctor to help the dentist another specialist and we tried everything to get it unlocked. Well my mom was googling some things on what else we could do to get it unlocked and she found this guy Dr. Ferrell. he is a TMJ specialist and so we went into see him as soon as possible and he opened my jaw up that day. it was a great feeling knowing that i could open it again but boy did it hurt me. He first tried to stretch it out to see how far i could go. but that wasn't very far so he layed my on a bed and numbed up my face a little and injected fluid into my jaw to get it back in place. There is a disk in your jaw and when ever you hear a poping or clicking in your jaw that means your disk is going back into place. Well mine had been off for a long time and when i was working with the football players this past year i kept getting hit in the jaw by the shoulder pads and so it finally knocked it off for good and then my jaw started to heal with the disk out of place and thats why it locked.
After all the medical problomes i have had and all the ways that things happened im wondering if my career should be a medical profession instead of a cop. HMMM
maybe its a sighn. Or maybe ill stick with being a cop and maybe a trainer on the side. Who knows where life will lead me.
Well i have to say congratz to Suzanne, who just had her first baby today. Tessa was born a few min ago and so i had to tell about it. Suzanne is my sister inlaws sister. i can't wait to see Tessa.
Speaking of new babies Matt Davis and his wife Cristy just had there third baby a few weeks ago so congraatz to them as well. i went over last saturday to see them and spend some more time with them before they leave to Washington in a few weeks. Well Cristy and the kids leave in about a month and Matt will leave after graduation.
So thats basically what is going on in my life at this moment. Don't worry i will keep you posted more on how things are going.
All i can say and thanks for the small things.
love you all

long time gone

2008-12-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

hey everyone its been a while lets just leave it at that. I just wanted to tell everyone im doing great. im spending my christmas vacation up in utah visiting family and getting ready for a wedding. wow this year i think our family has had a lot of weddings and only more to come. its been a busy year but a good one only to get better for next year. life is good even though it has its ups and downs but always leaves me smiling at the end. Life is a journey we must go through. :)
love aways
Karie Bates

WEEK

2008-10-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

Okay so this week hasn't been the greatest for me. It started out like crap and only got worse from there. On Monday i knew something was up. I knew something didn't feel right and i was right. There was something going on between a teacher and me. so through out the whole week i had to deal with all this crap. Then thursday i find out shes talking to my parents and telling them things that are in her perspective and when my mom finally brought it up i tried to explain but im not allowed to explain myself any more. I was given horrible news from my parents and come to find out a lot of people already know.
This week has been full of crap. I had to go to homecoming with a guy that likes me a lot but is totaly creepy. He knows i like another guy and yet he still tried to hold me hand. So instead of dancing at homecoming i sat with my math teacher and his wife and we talked about everything thats been going on in my life. How horrible my week has been. So homecoming was horrible and my date was being really touchy and i hated it because all i wanted was to be with josh and just talk to him about everything but nope i couldn't because i got asked by another guy first and my parents made me go with him. I was so mad.
Well saurday was the best day of the week. Even though it ended badly when i got home i still had a blast. Since my date for homecoming and i didn't go on a day date i was asked to go on a day date with another group. It was with the group of people i always hangout with and it was a total blast. I picked up josh from his house at 7am and from his house we went over to Devins house and waited for everyone to get there and then we went to the lake. We got out on the lake around 8:30am and we just rode around in a boat for a while and then we pulled out a wakeboard and we did that. or tried to do that. Only two people got up and stayed up and that was kayla and james. I was able to get up before the boat had enough power to keep me up so that was my problome. However the funny thing was that josh couldn't even get up and so everyone was saying how i showed him up. it was funny. So we were at the lake till about 4pm and just having a blast. Then we went back to devin's house and everyone went home and took showers but josh and i decited to go visit my dads office cause he was having a party and see him since we had time to kill before dinner. So we did that. After that we met everyone back at lisa's house and from there we went to dinner at the golden corall. Ill tell more later. but got to check out rihgt now.
Love Always
me

BREAK

2008-10-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

Okay so I havn't written in a long time and a lot has happened. I can't remember everything that happened so I guess i'll just tell you a little about my week.
Last Monday most of the school went on a school trip to either California or Washington. A lot of my friends that i normaly hangout with went and so it started out as a very weird week. On Monday i got to school not sure what to expect since everyone i normally would talk to was gone except Josh. I went to my first hour class which is TA for Dance 1 with Alannah. Now since our teacher was gone Alannah and I were left to kind of run things for class that day. I have been a TA for dance since 9th grade and so i understood what was to be done. It was a really hard class because one fo the girls in the class was crying because she found out her dad has cancer and it is the same cancer that her grandma died of and so she was having a really hard time. At first we didn't notice anything different. Its kind of hard when you have 30 girls. Then when we were about to start working on our dance there was a group of girls standing around her while she was crying. I asked Alannah to take her to the bathroom and talk so i could keep the other girls on track and get things done. A few moments later Alannah came out and told me she had locked herself in the stall and refused to come out no matter what. I asked Alannah to run the class while i went and talked to her. I was able to get her out of the bathroom and then we were able to talk. We went out and she started dancing again and everything was okay. After that was all fixed we had other problomes with the girls and so it kind of messed things up but we had a little circle time and were able to just talk things out. It was good
In my next hour i had honors English. Now our class only had 8 students since most of them were on the trip so our teacher gave us assignments and we had to pair up with someone and then present them when the class got back from the trip. Which is tomorrow. Josh and i are partners and its nice because we work great together. Were both kind of scared to share everything tomorrow but it will be good.
I got sighned out of class early and went to lunch with chelsey, paul, and natalja and we talked about a bunch of weird things but i would say the weirdest one was Fried babies. Natalia thought i said i fried babies and so she screemed it out while we were at Jack in the Box. There was a guy who was sleeping on a bench next to us and when he heard that he woke up. The waitress had just brought our food and she was laughing so hard. It was pretty funny.
The rest of the day was seminary and then Football. All day i hadn't been feeling good so i didn't go to football instead i stayed at school and hungout with Alannah and Chelsey, and Paul, and Natalia and Josh. It was good we talked all class periode and then when school got out we stayed and talked until 5:45pm and talked about marriage and babies and a whole bunch of other things.
Tuesday same thing school hanging out with Alannah, Chelsey, Paul, Natalia, and Josh.
On Wed. I started fall break. I stayed at home and worked on homework all day and then at night my parents were gone and so was my sister and so i took the car and went to go visit Josh. I stayed at his house until 11pm and then came home. It was nice seeing him
On Thursday i worked more on homework and sat around and was lazy. Then that night i went to go pick up josh from his house we went over to Chelsey's house were we met Alannah, Chelsey, and Maddie and we all went to Applebee's and aet food and then went to go rent a movie. Everyone went inside while Josh and I talked out in the car. We went back to Chelsey's house and started watching "what happens in Vegas" I had to be home at 10 that night and so i took Josh with me and i made him drive to his step dads work where he was being dropped off so he could get a ride home. It was kind of nice because i didn't ahve to worry about driving or anything and it was nice because i trusted Josh with my life. Normally i hate being in a car when i have no control over whats happening but its nice having josh drive. The only problome was we almost ran out of gas we barely made it home.
Friday my dad left town and so my mom went to his work and worked there all day. and Kelsie had a nanny job and so i was left at home with a car that didnt have gas. :(. Some how i made it. That night i went to pick Josh up we went to Chelsey's house met her and Paul there and then we sat and talked and then we went and finished watching "what happens in Vegas". Then Josh drove my car while i fell asleep in the passengers side. It was so funny i never ment to actually fall asleep but i was so relaxed and he was driving and so i fell asleep. He said i looked really cute when i was sleeping :). Josh is the best to me. I love it
Saturday I ran some places with my sister and then got home got ready and went over to Josh's house. We stayed there and talked to his mom and laughed at his sisters running into things. It was so cute his little sister Lala was spinnging around in circles and then she would run into things and try to walk and it was so funny watching her fall. After being their for 3hours we went down to a litle lake thing on Valvista and Guadalupe by the Library and since the weather was so nice we went and took a walk along there and we had a really good chat. We stayed outside for at least 3hours and then i finally took him home and we were just in my car talking. The weird thing is i can trust Josh with anything. I can tell him things i would never tell anyone else. I really like Josh and we have been going out for more than two years now. Non of us have had problomes with each other to the point where we can't stand each other. We work things through. .Yes we fight sometimes but it doesn't last long. We can't stand being mad at each other. Last weekend he went camping with his family and i was going to go but it was over a Sunday and my dad wouldn't let me. But we was only gone for three days and i thought i was going to die. We both missed each other so much and we weren't able to talk much because his phone died while he was up there.
I guess you could say i had a great break. I got to see Josh everyday and go things with him everyday. It was nice to be able to get away from everyone. Plus i started hanging out with a different group. No drama this week. :). I think i have grown out of a lot of that. Now if only some other people would. :) Any ways peace love you all
love always
karie (always thinking about you and of course JOSH)

Wedding Thoughts

2008-09-20T01:53:00.001-07:00

Wedding Thoughts
As many of you know my brother Spencer got married last night. I thought I would just share the experience with you and how it was to experience the first wedding out of all my siblings. Spencer met his wife Andrea through our cousin Jenney Shey. Jenney and Andrea worked together at the same hospital. Jenney kept telling Spencer that she had this really cool girl that she wanted to set him up with. Spencer wasn’t so fond of the idea but he finaly said yes. Andrea wasn’t sure about the idea but she of course said yes. There first date they went to sorranos and Spencer said that when he first saw her in person he though oh wow shes just as cute as in pictures. They started to talk and they connected very well. That was their first date. Then for there second date Spencer invited Andrea and a group of her friends to come watch a band play. Andrea called spencer and told him that non of her friends could make it but she would come. Im sure you can all bet how happy Spencer was to have her go on another date with him. On the third date Andrea came with my family to go see The Forgotten Carols. We see it every year. Spencer wanted to hold Andreas hand all night but was to scared. Towards the end of the show they have you link arms and they sing a song called we will be together forever. Well Spencer and Andrea linked arms and once the song was over they kept their arms linked. Im not sure why they didn’t hold hands instead but what ever. After the show Spencer took Andrea home and he gave her a hug and then after the hug went in for the kiss. Of course Andrea kissed back and they were both really happy. On December 17 is when they atarted saying they were dating. How cute. And Spencer remembered the date :)
As some of you know planning a wedding is a lot of work but it’s all worth it in the end. Spencer and Andrea decited for their reception instead of having one at a church they were going to do it in a movie theater. At most receptions they play a little video of the bride and groom and slide shows of how they met. Well Andreas dad is a film maker and so he ads a lot more in and just makes it all fun and so cute. As it got closer to the wedding date everyone was going crazy. We were running around like chickens with their heads cut off. It was that bad. But we made it through.
The day of the weddding. We were all so excited. We had a brunch and we served breakfast food and my aunt and uncles catering job made it and served it and it turned out wonderful. Thank you. After the brunch we took a few pictures of the brides maids and grooms men and then everyone helped clean up and get things ready for the actual wedding while I went to school to work on choreography for the dance concert comming up in May. Although things got a little crazy during the day it was still a blast. My brother picked me up from dance and we went to the Mesa Temple to meet up with the rest of my family to take pictures. We got there and started talking to people because they weren’t done with the wedding so we just chilled out and talked to those who weren’t involved in the actual marriage part. After they came out we all took pictures and stood around in the hot sun and we were all sweating so in some of the pictures im sure it looks bad but ill blame the sun.
After we took the pictures we had 30min to take a break before we needed to be at the movie theater to help set up for the reception. It was way cool. We got to the theater and we set up tables and for the refreshments we served popcorn, soda, and twislers. It was like normal theater food and it was pretty cool. The video turned out great we had three showings and everyone loved it. We had plenty of people come and it was great to see everyone.
It had been a long day I went home and went to sleep I was dead tired and since I didn’t sleep the night before with all the family comming in and all the excitement about the wedding I needed my sleep. When I woke up Friday morning we get a call from my dad and he told us that my brother Matt had proposed to his girlfriend right after the reception. They are talking about getting married in December. So here we go again with the wedding plans. It was pretty cool today they went and shopped for wedding fabric cause my mom is making the wedding dress and I can’t wait to have another sister names Andrea. How cool is that we have two Andreas that are going to be in our family by the end of the year.
Thanks to all those who helped out with this wedding and im sure thankful for all those who came. Its been great being with everyone and we love you all.
Love Always
Me

Stiarwell How many will follow??

2008-09-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

9/11 Poem
Published by pet at 3:53 am under Life
I don’t know who wrote this.. but it touched my heart…
‘MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL’
You say you will never forget where you were whenyou heard the news On September 11, 2001.Neither will I.
I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled roomwith a man who called his wife to say ‘Good-Bye.’ Iheld his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him thepeace to say, ‘Honey, I am not going to make it, but itis OK..I am ready to go.’
I was with his wife when he called as she fedbreakfast to their children. I held her up as shetried to understand his words and as she realizedhe wasn’t coming home that night.
I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when awoman cried out to Me for help. ‘I have beenknocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!’ I said.‘Of course I will show you the way home - onlybelieve in Me now.’
I was at the base of the building with the Priestministering to the injured and devastated souls.I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. Heheard my voice and answered.
I was on all four of those planes, in every seat,with every prayer. I was with the crew as theywere overtaken. I was in the very hearts of thebelievers there, comforting and assuring them that theirfaith has saved them.
I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan .I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news.Did you sense Me?
I want you to know that I saw every face. I knewevery name - though not all know Me. Some met Mefor the first time on the 86th floor.
Some sought Me with their last breath.Some couldn’t hear Me calling to them through thesmoke and flames; ‘Come to Me… this way… takemy hand.’ Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me.But, I was there.
I did not place you in the Tower that day. Youmay not know why, but I do. However, if you werethere in that explosive moment in time, would you havereached for Me?
Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journeyfor you. But someday your journey will end. And Iwill be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I maybe found. Then, at any moment, you know you are‘ready to go.’
I will be in the stairwell of your final moments.
God

September 13, 2008

2008-09-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

Okay i felt a little bad that i didn't add any good things into my blog. it was one of those days when i was just focused on a lot and didn't even talk about what i good weekend im going to have even with hard times.
On Thursday we had a football game at NFL yet. We played Mahavi and they are the worst team. Last week mahavi played saquea and they lost by 50 points it was a bad game. Any way our players played well but we could ahve done better. In the first half we were 14 and they were 8 than we went to 36 in the 3rd quarter and we had two minutes left in the game and mahavi scroed two touch downs. That left us with 36-24. Even though we won the game our coaches were not happy with us. Sure we might have won but if we only win by a few points to the worst team it means nothing. its so funny because last year i would go to all the games and i would stand and chear with the crowde and encouraging the players on but when you are down the with players and coaches you get a whole different perspective of things. If you know the plays and your watching the game you know who messes up and you see all the flows. Sure we see the good things too but down with the coaches they get mad and focus a lot on the faults people did. Its very different and it taught me a lot. The game was fun and we played okay. That just means we got to be better for next week against Career. Even though i won't be there with my brother getting married and all that day but i wish you players the best of luck. :) Ill be there in spirit.
Okay so that was Thursday night. Now moving on to Friday. I went to football practice friday morning and just through around a football since i couldn't run with the players due to the running on Thursday game and poped my knee out. But its doing good taking it slow. Any way so i just talked to the coaches and messed around for a while. After we were done practicing on the feild we went to the school and met up in coach bowers room to watch the video of thursdays game. When you watch the video you can see every mistake and we watched it in slow motion so it took longer but we saw a lot clearer. While we were watching the video coach langston asked Aileen and i to come and help him write down plays for the players. So we went down stairs and we had to draw the plays on card board paper and then whole punch them so coach can put them in a binder and then hold them up for formations at games and at practice. So we spend about an hour doing that. Once we were done all the players had left and the coaches were talking. Aileen and i left and we went to go get lunch. It was fun just to go get out and have some fun. I got home and i was so tired so i took a nap until 4 and then i woke up called up a friend to go get a drink with me. So we went and then we came home and my mom asked us to run back out and go get some other stuff so i ran around for my mom. After all that i went over to my friends house to chill and see her new room and its was fun even if it was only for like 15min. I came home got ready and went to the Peters house for a party that they were having. It was like a back to school party and it was a lot of fun. A lot of people showed up and it was great. We played basketball, football (of course when half the team and coach is there) and then we just messed around and did what ever. it was very fun. I watched my football coach run through a hoolahoop and it was pretty funny. I didn't know he had it in him but i guess i learn new things every day. While we were playing football i intersepted a pass and i caught it and i could have made a touch down cause the way was clear and it was only a few yards. But i didn't make it because i ran into a fence and dropped the ball. Pretty lame but im ready for it next time. I heard that after our football season is over then there going to have a powder puff game. That means i can play. I asked coach about letting me play on the team because he said he knew i could but they can't let me. I expected it but you know it happens and i understand. Any way that was friday. :)
Now today is Saturday so i can't tell you exactly what i did today but i can tell you what im going to do. Kaleigh is having her birthday party today at 1 so im going to go to that and its swim. I can't swim but i can enjoy the pleassure of everyone around and just have a great old time. After the party im going out to Queen Creek to drop off a friend and than to go visit another friend. Since they live right by each other i thought i would drop in and say high to Josh and see how he was doing. Than im going to go visit Matt's family and see how they are holding up with everything. Ill probably go visit Matt as well and just talk to him.
I just want you to know that Matt is a great kid and i am glad to have him as a friend. We will all miss him dearly.
Thats my weekend.
Love Always
Karie Bates

September 12, 2008

2008-09-12T15:53:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone
this has been one crazy but fun and scary weak all at once. The sad thing is i can't remember how my week started out. Ever since i have been in football and been working a lot and have all this adrenalin pumping when i get home it gets hard to sleep well. So im losing my mind a little and can't remember things as well as i use to.
As you all know yesterday was 9/11 and i couldn't help but to think of all the ones who have lost their lifes for me and for our nation. Thank you to you all. We would not be a nation without people sacrficing their lifes to save the lifes of many others. As i was on my way to school yesterday i had the radio on like i do every morning. There was this little girl who was talking to her daddy about all the things she had learned to do that year. Swim and hold her breath under water. Then she talked about how she missed daddy tickiling her tummy. Towards the end she said "I miss you daddy, Is it true your not comming home, Maybe some day. I keep the light on in my room just in case one day you come home and kiss me good night. I miss you daddy sometimes i want to cry. Mommy says its okay to cry but you never liked to see me sad daddy. Im trying to be strong but its hard. Well good night daddy i got to go to bed. I love you daddy." This touched me so much because her dad had died in 9/11. Then later on their was a man who was saying how he was their when a woman needed him before the towers fell. Then he was with a man who had to tell his wife he would not be comming home tonight. He was with the wife as her husband was on the phone telling her good bye for the last time. He said how some called upon him who never knew who he was and had their chance to meet me. He also said how some would not call upon his name in their last hour. It was God. it got me to thinking how many times do we go throughout our lifes blaming God for everything. Only asking him to help us when were in trouble. Never thank him for all the things we have. Never thank him for sparing out lifes each day from harm. I know i need to be better at that and im working on it.
As the day went on i was doing pretty good with not thinking about all the people i had lost in my life. Than a good friend of mine found out one of his friends died. I wanted so much to be their for him but i didn't know how. I wasn't sure what to say. He meant the world to me and it hurt to see him hurt and me not doing anything about it. I now know how God must feel when we are stuggaling in life. He wants to be there for us but we won't let him in.
Last night one of my good friends that i have known since 3rd grade was hit by a car. I got the call early this morning and i went to go see him and his family. Even though we havn't talked in a few years we were really close. I saw him and he is not doing well at all. He is expected to live only a few more days. Now his family has to make the choice to let him go now or give him the few extra days in case of a miracle.
One thing i noticed is that the farther we get away from being who we truly are the worse things get. I can't help but to feel part responsible for this. Who knows maybe if i had been doing what i know i should be doing non of this would have happen. it seams like every time something goes wrong in my life its because im doing what i know i shouldn't be doing.
Sorry to be such a downer right now i just have a lot on my mind and just needed to get it out in the open.
Love you guys all so much.

Kingman Football Game

2008-09-07T10:43:00.002-07:00

Hello all my readers again

its been a while since i have been on so i thought id tell you how Heritage Academy's first football game went. Our game was Saturday at 7 out in Kingman. if any of you know where that is then you know its about a 3-4 hour drive. All the football players along with coaches and of course us trainers met at the school at 1 on saturday after noon. We got all loaded up just to findout we didn't have enough seets for everyone. So one of our coaches had to drive his truck and then some people went with him. We took two school vans and pulles a trailer behind one for all the football pads and water and any other things we had going with us. the car ride up was fun. I was in the van that had air conditioning but since i sat in the back with alex rob and johnathan we didn't get much air so we were pretty hot. but after a while people started getting cold and so we took all the air and pointed it in the back. On the way up johnathan rob alex karl jesse zennif aileen chris nathan tucker and some other people rode up with coach melchin and coach roberts. We all messed around and listend to ipods and sang to each other and told jokes and just had a good old time. We started making fun of everyone that was passing us and then once we got out in the middle of no were we kept checking our phones to see if we had service or not. After about driving for 2 and a half hours the van in front of us pulled over and so we pulled over as well. Soon some of the players come out and run to a bush to go potty then all the players go out and so you look to the side of the car and you see all these players going to the bathroom right by you and it was very scary. Aileen and i had been blinded for life. After our pit stop we joked around some more. then Chris fell asleep and rob got a video of tucker smacking chris on the head and chris waking up and just so confused. It was pretty funnny. Well we finally arived in kingman about 6 and got everything out of the car and onto the field to get ready to go. We did our usual warmup stuff and then we had a huddle and talked about all the playes and all the hard things we had been working at. We were so pumped and ready to go. finally the game started. We were doing okay but we couldnt get our tackles very good. In the first quarter kingman scored a touch down and we

Week Update

2008-08-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

Hey friends,
Just wanted to tell you a little about my week. School has been great but than again it can be pretty stress ful as many of you know. Well lets see it's been a pretty weird weak. Im still trying to get all my classes worked out and i might have to drop a class which totaly stinks but who knows it might be for the best i don't know yet.
its kind of weird starting school back up and everything but its nice to always be busy.
Like for instance i wake up everyday at 5:30 and get ready for school. i leave my house around 7 get to school around 7:15 or 30. Im at school until 4 on Monday wednesday and then i have football practice till around 5. Its supposed to end at 4:30 but never does. then i get home around 5:30 or 6 and then do homework until around 8 and then go to bed after that. On Tuesdays i have football after school till 6:30 and then i get home around 7:15 and do homework until about 9ish or 10. Then i go to bed. its a crazy week but i love every bit of it.
Ever since i joined the football team everything just seems a lot more i don't know easier. i know that probably makes no sence but its my way of letting everything go. Besides dance. I love dance. So this week i had some stugles with a friend of mine and it was hard so i desided to stay busy with dance and football. However my ankle was starting to bother me again but i kept going. It wasn't that big of a deal for me at the time but now i wish i would have stopped sooner.
Thursday i was dancing and kept dancing no matter who told me to stop. im very stuborn and i try not to be i just am. If i want to get something done no one tells me to slow down. I know i should listen and im going to. Well in my last hour class i was walking around and noticed my neck kept poping. I knew something was wrong but no way would i let that stop me. So i kept going and acting like it was all good. While we were stretching on the floor my back spased out and went numb. I couldn't feel my back and i couldn't really move. It scared the crap out of me but i just acted like it was all good. Once i had been laying there for a while and i knew that i wasn't okay i freaked out. I realised i wouldn't be going to football so i let them down. i let the coachs down. I let my dance teacher down for not listening to her when she told me to stop. I let my TA class down because i wasn't there to help them out and the teacher had to slow things down to make sure i was okay. I let myself down for pushing myself to hard. All this ran through my head and i hated every minute of it. Once the class and the teacher left a few of the girls stayed with me until the teacher returned. We had a nice little talk about what im doing to myself. And how i need to relaxe and take time for me.
I got home Thursday and was left alone in the house to lay down and to just think everything through. Since i couldn't really move yet i just layed down and thought about what life has to offer. I know i push myself to my limit and thats not good. I need to be better at that.
Well i relaxed all day friday and then saturday got up in the morning and helped a friend with an eagle project or tried to. Then came home fell asleep and then Josh came over and we watched a movie. He left after the movie and then i was sent out to the store by my dad and he kept wanting me to get out of the house for some reason.
Well i found out the reason. My friend and i went shopping and we came home early and so my dad sent us back out again and so we went and came back. I dropped my friend off at her house and as i was comming back to my house i was a big white van. i knew exactly who it was. it was william wadsworth. All week he had been talking about something he was going to do to me and he wouldn't tell me what. Well he came over and he had made dinner for me and my family. So we sat down and aet dinner and then he made us crapes. So we aet those. After all that we were talking and i asked why he was over doing this and then he formally asked me to homecomming.
i was terified. Sure hes a good kid but i don't know something just doesn't feel right.
Well after dinner and after will left i went over to colee's cousins house to pick colee up and then we went out to dinner McDonals. :) well after dinner we got bored so we decited to crash taylors party. taylor was having a date night so we crashed it. We were there and then i told josh to come over since he was like right around the corner. So he came over and we just hung out for a while. It was so nice just to be with him and not have to worry about all the teachers and everything else like that. Ever since school started its been kind of stressful for us. Cause he has all his classes and i have all mine and we don't really see each other as much as we did in the summer. So it was good to be with him. Plus im always busy with football so its hard to just getout and do what ever.
Well after josh dropped me off at my car i went to the doctors. My back was killing me and they said i had some nerve damage and that my nerves wernt workign right so they gave me a shot and its supposed to help get everything back in track. Plus my ankle was having the same problome last semester. they say it started in my back but it wasn't as bad and it hit my ankle when i hurt it at the dance concert. Now with everything i had been doing it trigered my back. Im home now and doing the best i can. I learned my lesson from pushing myself to hard. Looks like this week im taking everything slower. I can't wait to get back to school. I know im crazy but hey thats just who i am.
Thats about all for this week. pretty crazy huh??
Love you all very much
love always
Karie

Thursday

2008-08-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

There is one thing i have been thinking about.
One of my teachers and I had a discussion yesterday and i told her that girls could do anything a guy could do and she disagreed with me. She said that guys are just built stronger than woman and that they can do things we can't. I don't believe that at all. If that was true would we have womans boxing, womans football, womans volleyball, womans basketball, womans soccer or coed, or any other womans sport.
In my opinion i think the world thinks woman are weak and can't handle what man can. Yes men are strong and they might be able to get stronger faster but that doesn't mean that we woman can't be as strong as them. We may need to work harder but I believe we can do anything that they do.
We woman need to stand up for what we can do and stop letting people tell us other wise.
Love Always
Me

Everyday People

2008-08-19T06:39:00.000-07:00

College kids turning 21 in their senior year
Spring break was here
They headed south but not for sun on their skin
where the storms had been
It was hard fixing windows and shingles and doors
and tired never felt so good before
everyday people are the ones who are making miracles
and it's beautiful
everyday people lifting up the world line an answered prayer
i thank god they're there they're the ones who care
everyday people
doctor saud good news we caught it soon enough
we can clear this up
but she's thirty and single with two kidsto raise
times are tough these days
so her friends made some calls and the word spred around how her bills got paid
she don't know how
a little girl takes her mama's hang and walks inside
saying please don't cry
as the people who built this house just for them
laugh through the tears as a family moves in
everyday people are the ones who are making miracles
and its beautiful
everyday people
lifting up the world like an answered prayer
i thnk god they're there they're the ones who care
everyday people

I(she) Can't Save Him

2008-08-19T06:34:00.000-07:00

I can hear his car as it pulls in the drive.
I can whisper a prayer thank God he's alive
I can meet him at the door and catch him when he falls.
I can even believe that it isn't his fault
but i can't save him
I can make his cofee in the cold light of day
I can make his excuses, tell the boss he'll be late
I can wave at the neibors, kiss him goodbye
And not say a word 'bout what happened last night.
But i can't save him
Sometimes i dream that he's caught in a stream
And the water keeps pulling him down
I reach for him as he pulls her in
I wake just before i drowned
But I can remember the man that he was
And still shed a tear for what he's become
I can live in this house, until the day
i see it's only me i can save
'Cause i cna't save him
And that day i'll know, I havn't failed
'Cause nothing can change until he saves himself
'Cause i can't save him
No i can't save hime
Bo i can't save him

Another Day

2008-08-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

I just got home from school about an hour ago.
It's been a long day. First of all i woke up this morning so tired and feeling light headed from not drinking enough water while doing football, and dance. Then i went to school and i was waiting for my TA dance class to walk to our new dance studio and i went to go sit on a bench and totaly wacked my head on a box and instantly i got light headed and thought the world stopped. I hit it pretty good but i was better at covering up.
Last year i had so many calling me gimp and all these names because i kept getting hurt from dancing to much or i got hit with something or i fell or not enough water. What ever you think of i probably hurt it in the year. this year i don't want that. I want to be healthy and i won't let anyone know i am hurt. What's telling them going to do?
Any ways i went to my first hour and it was TA dance and it was crazy 28 girls but luckily there are three of us helping teach the class. it was crazy but fun.
Then i had Honors English and im not getting the book that were reading in class but that just means i need to work harder and spend more time on it and take it slower.
I had lunch and then i went to ballroom 2
I have been trying to drop ballroom 2 because its too slow for me but today in class my friend Christian and i just decited to make up or own steps since we got tired of doing the same old onces over and over. It was pretty fun we actualy came up with a whole swing ruitine. It could actually be pretty cool if we cleaned it up and made a few more things possible. So it wasn't that bad but im still dropping the class. As we were walking out my friends and i were talking about how its my last day in that class and my teacher over heard and she was pretty upset. I walked away before she could try to convince me to stay in the class.
After ballroom 2 i had football and that was fun until we got to the feild and we realised i forgot to get all the football equiptment. I had to call my coach who was at school and ask him to bring it. He was really upset with me for forgetting it because im equptment manager and in charge or making sure everything gets to where it needs to be. The thing is i forgot about it because i was working on trying to get water for the players and getting ice to make it cold for them cause they complained last time. So all practice i felt bad becaue the other coaches where needing the things in the bag like balls and cones and air pumps. Finally coach brought the stuff and then he was pretty mad but not for long.
I had to leave football earlier today to drop the car back off at school so Mitchell could take it home. I just hungout at school and then started talking to a few people that i normally don't talk to. We talked all last year but now we don't really talk. It was fun but i felt like i was going to throw up and sure enough i had heat stroke so i had to take it slow.
As i was leaving the school my ballroom teacher drove up and started talking to me about dropping the class and luckily i had to leave other wise i probably would have changed my mind and kept the class. It was a horrible feeling.
Well now i am home and i feel better and now i am on my way out to go to my aunts house and have dinner.
Just wanted to keep everyone posted on what i have been up to these days. Ill keep writing everyday or at least try when i have time.
Love Always
Me

New Week

2008-08-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

Another Week has come and gone.
This week as many of you know i started school back up again. It has been one crazy week with getting use to being at school and running all over the place from football and dance.
As many of you may also know i am an athletic trainer for my schools football team. i got into football last year and started comming to all our school games and enjoying the time away to just have fun. Last year one of the coaches asked me if i wanted to help out and to be a first aid since we didn't have one at every game last year. I was really excited at first because i thought that Josh would be playing on it so it ment more time with him. Over the summer i have been doing practice with the team and working my little butt off trying to keep up with those guys and let them know that we girls have what it takes to do anything man can do.
Everyday i have football practice and one Tuesday, Thursday it runs pretty late and i don't get home till late at night. Then i spend my time doing homework and i have found very little time with family.
Ever since my brother got ingaged everything at my house started changing. My brother is not home very much cause he's out with his girl. My sister that i have been close too moved out of the house to move in with my other sister and so it leaves only my parents me and mitchell at home now.
My dad is mostly working these days trying to keep things up with bills and all the good things of being a parent.
I got sick of being at home and most of the time i was left alone doing nothing so one day i got tired of it and decited to get out and do something fun. So i started calling up friends i havn't talked to in forever and we started haning out. Then i started hangingout with friends from school and of course Josh.
Well since school started this week and im gone all day and then i have football practice after school and then when i get home im so tired i do homework and go to bed. Then on weekends when i have time to hangout with friends i will. My mom wasn't liking the fact that i have been gone all day and then leave to go hangout with friends during the weekend. Of course im a teanager i don't want to be at home and the more i do with my life and the more i get done the better i feel about myself knowing i can accomplish things on my own.
My mom and i had a talk today about how im her last baby to be home and how i am so busy with football, school, dance, and friends that my mom can't believe that im growing up. I understand moms get that way but i never thought my mom would.
We have had our ups and downs all along the way and i seriously thought that things wouldn't change around my house. Ever since i came to America i have lived with nine people at home all the time and then all of a sudden we go from 9 to 4 people at home. It feels so small and normally im all game for change but this is too much. Its hard to believe my family is growing up and one is getting married another one is talking about getting married at the end of the year. Its all crazy.
I realized something today that when i am botherd with something i put more on my plate to get things off my chest. I have been an independent person my whole life. Ever since i was little i never realied on anyone for anything. Yes i have asked people for advise but to tell you the truth i heard what they told me but i never took it to heart. I do things my way and if people don't like it well too bad. I know thats not good but i don't know how else to change it.
I always want to please everyone but never do. I want everyone to be happy with what i do and who i am but when it comes down to the bottom line i don't do anything to change what they want. yes i want things to be good but i want things better my way.
Im going to go something just came up that i need to go take care of. Ill write letter
love always
me

Random

2008-08-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

Be the change that you want to see in the world.

I dram my painting and then i paint my dream.

One kind word can warm three winter months.

Chose a job you love and then you will never have to work a day in your life.

you are never to old to set a new goal or live a new dream

do not protect yourself by a fence but rather with friends.

Love Quotes

2008-08-10T17:35:00.000-07:00

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have.

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Love is a friendship set to music.

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination.

They do not love that do not show their love. The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love.

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

teacher Poem

2008-07-22T17:25:00.001-07:00

Teacher
(Sharon Harper Sampson)
I bet you've tied a million shoesand dried a million tearsand given out a million hugsas a teacher, through the years.
In my child's life, the role you've playedhas been a priceless partand your must know the special placeYou hold in my child's heart

Teachers

2008-07-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

A Special Teacher
Teachers come and gobut every so often one comes alongthat you'll always rememberone who makes learning an adventure...and who can still rememberwhat it's like to be youngand growing up...the kind who can make youwant to be the very best you can be...Someone you can really talk to,who really careswhat happens to you...
That person is YOU!

Thoughts

2008-07-20T09:25:00.001-07:00

Dear readers,
i have been thinking a lot and i just need to express my thoughts. Have you ever set a dream and worked so hard to get to the dream that you always wanted and then when its just in your hands ints not the same as it was when you worked so hard to get it? This last week i was asked to begin training for a ballroom studio that i use to go to. I went in last Friday just to say hi and see how everyone was doing. When i got there they asked me if i wanted a job and of course that has been my number one dream for a long time now. They asked me to start comming in on Saturday nights for open dance just so they can get the feel of my style and how i teach and learn. Well i went last saturday and this saturday and its not how i pictured everything being. The instructor is totaly different then what i am use to. He is mainly a latin dancer and so he knows more about that which is good for me but i need to be able to know about other dances too. It's just that the class that i go to is so small and hardly anyone shows up and then no one really dances. Why would i want to teach at a studio that is so complicated and has hardly anyone there. I know this has been my dream for a while but it doesnt make sence on how it changed so much. I know i need to start somewhere. I love working with the people i am working with but last night i couldn't help but think of how my dreams just changed. Am i getting way to over my head about this?
Karie

Anger

2008-07-09T17:42:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever done something to you that you just want to screem? Have you ever got the feeling where nothing else can go wrong since everything pretty much has gone wrong already? I have those days sometimes but then i think of a few things that mean the world to me. Like my boyfriend who is always there for me in everything that happens. He wants the best for me and he knows exactly what to say when i need it most. He really knows me and im so glad for him. He is the best thing for me and has been for a while. When ever something goes wrong i can count on him to help me or just be there for me. We have great times together :). Thats one of the things i think about when i am angry. the other one is how great my life will be in a few years. I will be out of high school and be able to move out of the house and be with my boyfriend for ever and be able to hangout with my friends and just get away. Plus after high school i plan on starting my dance studio or preparing to start it. I will teach in my home. I think about all the great things that can and will happen in a few years then i think of this coming up school year and how its going to be great since most of my classes are dance and i have it easy and can focus on my boyfriend and dance and friends.
Karie

FootBall

2008-07-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had football practice and mostly our coach tells us what to do and we do what he tells us to do while he watched. Well we do this activity called 8to1 and we have to run around the field and at each corner their is a different activity you have to do. there is a pushups, situps, squats, and jumping jacks. You start ut doing everything 8times and then after each time you go around you lower the numbers until you get to 1 so you do 8laps around the feild. yesterday caoch bowers made us do 8to1 but at each station we had to do 8pushes plus what we were already supposed to do. It got very tiring and then to add on to that we had to run up hill and then down and then back up and down adding on to the lap around the feild. it was so tiring and today i can really feel it burning. i love going to football and doing all the workouts because it is different then what we do in dance and it helps me build muscles for when i go back to dance. I learned something yesterday that if i set a goal i will do what ever it takes to finish that goal. I just got to make sure my goal isn't too high or to low. Just right. thanks coach for letting me help out with football. I get to be the nurse and i love knowing the plays and watching our team become a family. thats the best part we grow together and we help each other out. Even though everyone is tired from doing a work out and someone is slagging behind the whole team goes and helps that person finish and we finish as a team no one finishes last or first. We are all in it together. I love it.

Fourth

2008-07-06T13:55:00.000-07:00

hello my readers again.

This fourth has been like non i have experienced. This has probably been the first time i havn't done something with friends and wih family instead. this has also been the first fourth that i actually had time to reflect on how things are going. My dad got tickets for my family to go to a d-backs game and then watch fireworks after the game. At first i was supposed to go with a date but then it turned out that i was't even going to be able to go but last minute it happend i went. The game was great even though we lost and the fireworks were amazing. As i was watching them i noticed that when you let off a firework and then let off another one and they hit the explotion happens sooner and it got me to thinking. how many times do we explode on people we care about just because they bumped into us or said something trying to be funny? I know it happens in my family a lot. How many times do we actually help others out instead of ourself? "In the darkest skies you see the most stars" I came upon this quote this morning in a book and it got me to thinking that everyone is faced with trials or things they don't like but in the overall look it could be good. Most of the time it is good. I know that I go through life and pretty much hate the things that I have to go through that are hard but as I look back I have seen a lot of the stars that have come out in my time of darkness. Right now i may not see any because im not looking up im looking down. But the moment we look up is when we see the stars.

Gaze Up instead of Down.

Karie

Las vegas

2008-07-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,
I am writing about my big trip to Vegas for a dance competition. Over the summer i got bored and i was listening to music. I heard a song that i could do salsa to and i started to choreograph a dance to it just for fun. When i got back in town i called up my instructor and showed him my idea and everything that i wanted and he liked it so much he asked me if he could take it to a competition. I told him yes. i knew that i wouldn't be able to dance it due to the fact i was still hurt at that time but it was exciting. well my teacher asked me if i would want to come as a special guest since it was my dance. all expences would be paid for. For a while i tried to convince my parents and finally it happend. Saturday night i was picked up at midnight and off we drove to Vegas. We got there around 7 Sunday morning. We checked in and went up to our hotel room. the first few hours we were able to settle in and enjoy ourselves until everyone got back. Then at 12 everyone showed up and we got them settled in and then we went out to Lunch. We went to this really nice resturant and it had the most amazing food ever. i don't think i have ever had anything that good before. After lunch everyone was told to go up to a room in the hotel that had everyones cloths in it. At first i wasn't able to find my dresses that they were supposed to get me. i found one but i was supposed to have 3. i needed two of them that night and i only had one so i had to go out and buy one. actually my instroctur baught me mine and he has great choice. After i spent a few hours getting ready i was told me meet down stairs with the judges for a special predinner drinks get together. it was very scary. i showed up late first off then when i walked in everyone was looking at me and i had to walk up all the way to the front of this great big dance hall and i fell right before i got to my seet. i mean i fell flat on my face. i picked myself up and tried to act like nothing happend. We had smoothies and it was good and we talked. i was so nervouse but it went very well. then after that everyone else came in and we had our dinner party and we watched a video from past competitions and i was asked to say a few words to everyone. there was over 200 people and they were all older than me. it was very weird but cool. I don't remember what i said but i remember a lot of people comming out to thank me for the words i said. it was a great feeling. After dinner me and my instructor took a walk down the strip and talked then we went to our hotel room and went to sleep. Monday morning we woke up at 5 and were told to go to a lady named Glorias house for rehersal. we practiced all day with no breaks. then at 3 we were able to go back to the hotel to get ready for the competition. at 4 i was asked to rechoreograph my dance and perform it at the end of the night. So thats what i did. my dance got 3rd place in Salsa but didn't score in the performance. it was a great experience and i had so much fun. then today we woke up and didnt want to go home yet so we went and shopped and then went to lunch now i am home. i wish this would happen more offten but it won't. i can only do school dance now otherwise i will end up pushing myself to hard and it would kill my body. thats my trip in a nutshell. enjoy
LOVE ALWAYS
ME

Life

2008-07-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

Life- What does Life really mean? As I have been walking around the streets and thinking i started thinking about the meaning of Life. Does life me we do things to please other people? Do we do things to please ourselves? Does it matter what we accomplish in life? We all have dreams don't we? I know i have dreams to become a great dancer and to be an example to those around me. I want to be the best wife for my husband. The best mother for my kids. Someone once told me that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. Some how that doesn't seem right. We can't go around and just do small things and expect great rewards. We need to be willing to step out of ourselves and do great things for great things to come to pass. Someone also told me that Perfect Practice makes Perfect. I know we all have things in life that we need to accomblish and do better but why only do little things. Go out and do bigs things. Live your dreams. This past week I was able to experience the best thing in my life. Even though i didn't get a trophy or anything i feel like i won the best prize of all. The feeling that someone is interested in my talent and believe in me. I have never felt so special in my life. People believe in me and it gives me more strength. For a while i thought i was the only one who believed in me but i soon realised that i had more than me. I just want to say thank you to all the teachers who believed in me. You know who you are thank you so much. Without you incouraging me and not letting me give up i was able to find me. I know what my purpose in life is now. I just need to go out and do what it is. :)

Readers

2008-06-30T08:45:00.001-07:00

Dear Readers,
Have you ever had someone tell you that you can't do something? I know i have. I told someone that i wanted to become a police officer and they laughed at me. They told me i need to pick something more reasonable and something i would actually be able to finish. You know what i did. I tried to forget about that dream. I thought that person was right that i would never be able to become a police officer. Then another time i told someone i wanted to play football and help out. People laughed at me. For a whole year i gave up that dream and never even tried. Then i realised something. The people around you have no control over you. If you set your goals high and you know you can do them go ahead and do it. People don't understand the hard work that you do every day to become who you are. Don't let anyone tell you not to do something. I did that and it about ruined everything that i could ever possibly think of. I finally desided that if people think i can't do something i will just proof them wrong. Right now i am actually helping train our football team at school and we run drills and workout and you now what i can and will do this no matter what. I still plan on becoming a police officer no matter the work it takes no matter how hard i get pushed i am doing this for me and not for everyone else. We need to do what we think we can do and stop letting people put us down. If you wrote a song go out and sing it. Call up a radio station and sing it to them. take your music somewhere. If you choreographed a dance teach it to people and take it places. Follow your dreams and become who you want to be. :)

Rain

2008-06-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,
Have you ever watched rain fall? I mean really watched it fall and not just looked out the window? When i watch rain fall i see new life. Rain gives people hope, it brings new life. in Arizona we don't get much rain, so when it comes people have hope. Farmers are greatful for rain for that means good crop. There are people who pray for rain and some who pray for no rain. When we pray for rain are we actually thankful we have it or are we just upset because that means getting to work will be hard. Well get wet, i can't get my suit wet. Are we thankful for what we have in life? Next time it rains just stand outside and soak in all the water you can for you never know when it might come again. treasure the small things in life and be proud of what you have. Give Thanks

HOME

2008-06-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

To all my readers out there have you ever felt like there's only one place for you? I have felt that a lot and as I have been asking people that they tell me that it was Home. Sure home is a great place to be but honestly is that the place where you can find peace? Where you feel as though nothing can ever go wrong? Don't you have a place where you call "Home" but it can be at a park, store, behinde your house, closet, pool, studio, or in someone's arms? Last night i think i found my "Home" away from home. In the arms of a great dear friend to me. He has been there for me for everything and i can trust him beyond anything in life. Last night as he held me in his arms i knew he was my "home". When im with him nothing matters. it's calm and peaceful. Many times our homes that we live in are hecktic with parents, and siblings running around. Trying to fit a million things in their scheduale. I know at my house things are crazy during the week and sometimes i can't stand it but my "home" I feel safe and secure. Things go the way they should.. Well good night to all my readers.
Enjoy the "home" away from home.
while you can. :)